I read a wonderful, life-changing, article this week sent to me by a friend on Facebook called Fighting to be Seen as a Plus-Size Athlete by Louise Green and in it she speaks about her experience as a plus-size athlete. Before this article I did not dare call myself an athlete, not to myself, not in the presence of others. I have run and successfully completed six marathons, one grueling 50K and three half marathons, yet, I did not dare take that lofty title for myself. I am what society might call an overweight woman and in our world, overweight women are never seen as also athletes. Yet, there was this article, it felt beyond refreshing reading about someone else's experience in this area for it's generally a harsh and lonely journey; harsh and lonely, almost like running at 4am on a 20 degree morning and coming across another runner, how rare would that be? Well, reading this article, felt just THAT awesomely rare, I could hardly contain my excitement. But, not only is this journey lonely, but it's also one in which you have to be mentally strong, beyond anything you have ever thought you could be or wanted to be growing up. For example, you might be feeling invincible, strong, super-powerful after a killer 6-mile run, yet, people all around you, even loved ones, fail to sufficiently celebrate with you in these accomplishments, how could they? for ultimately, your larger-than-a-real-runner appearance says that you have obviously not yet reached your goals, so what one gets instead is .....(drum roll).... deafening silence. These loved ones DO mean well by the way. Hey, deafening silence ultimately is a very loving family's politically correct way of not hurting your feelings. Unfortunately, this is not very encouraging to say the least. There are days my only hope is repeating my mantra "Don't give up". I have long forgotten why not give up, only that I know deep inside that giving up brings along more negative feelings and negative feelings takes one nowhere good, so hence the mantra, "Don't give up."
Being a plus-sized athlete is a lonely endeavor, but one that I have embraced without complaint for all these years I've bene running. Instead, I have taught myself to gain energy and strength from my own pride in my many accomplishments and that has been my never-ending fuel, my hope, my lifeline. Yet, it does not keep me from every once in a while from wishing. I wish strength were seen and recognized as just as amazing accomplishments as becoming 'skinny'. I wish my powerful thighs (of which I am very proud of by the way) were seen by others as more than 'too big'. I wish my excited talks about training for a marathon #7 were not met with awkward silence. I know, sounds gloomy right? yet, THE MOST amazing side affect of this lonely journey has been the newfound relationship I now have and enjoy with my body. I can honestly say, finally at 43, that I LOVE my body. I love my feet with its many callouses on my toes from running all these miles, I love my muscular calves when highlighted when wearing heels, I love my substantial thighs, my round and ever-present butt, my beautiful reassuring arms, my confident chest. At 43 (I'll be 43 in 1 day) I have never felt as strong a relationship with my body as I do now. Immeasurable pride is all I feel now for my body, whether anyone chooses to see that OR not, that is how I feel in my body and that makes me wake up each morning and smile and keep going and keep training. Whether others like it or not, I wear what feels comfortable and right for the weather, without worries about how it's perceived. On a hot day, you damn right I'll wear tanks, when running, I wear tights. Yes, my ass is 'what it is', round and in your face in those tights. But, if you don't like it? t's your problem, not mine.
I end with the best lines from this article of which I pasted below:
"she helped me see the importance of visibility and size diversity in athletics. Simply showing up in my body is a power move, pushing back against an ideal many of us struggle to obtain. Seeing larger bodies achieving athletic feats allows us to see ourselves in those moments. Right now, there are plus size athletes competing at Ironman, in the Olympics, in marathons, and in most races across the nation. Yet we seldom see them."
No comments:
Post a Comment