On self-reliance

                    
               The most important thing I have learned from running is self-reliance, not just self-reliance on a physical level, but on a deep  emotional level. One learns self-reliance through running because without constant communication with oneself one could easily hurt oneself. The more one does it the more one becomes intimately connected to ones instincts, one's inner voice, one's thoughts and dreams. 

              Loneliness use to be a horrible thing to fear. God forbid one would be without friends around to validate one's existence; that was me, 10, 15, 20 years ago. Today, I would rather walk alone than alongside anything that devalues me. I have learned over time that no one, not even the ones who LOOK like they have their shit together, actually has their shit together. I believe those online memes that constantly remind us all that, "Everyone, (and I mean absolutely everyone) is fighting a battle we know nothing about." It would be unfair of me to act as if I knew more, or as if I had all the answers. It belittles their fight, their past, their struggles for me to roll along and try to define their life for them.  What makes a person stand up to me is how they deal with their little piece of struggle. Do they work on them openly and honestly? do they hide it and pretend they are not struggling? Do they pick apart others to avoid and deflect their own struggles? 

                With this knowledge that we all struggle I have chosen to bear all my struggles. Not for sympathy, not for advice, not to be fixed, not because I am broken or have not forgiven or not forgotten. I share my struggles openly (on this page and personally) because I think that is the ONLY way I can help others find their way. As someone who herself has never listened to others' advice, I have followed others' examples. Only in living your own path can you teach others....words are extra, not needed....not helpful. Understandably, I navigate towards others who also understand the power of just living out your lessons and gifting the world you through your actions.  BEING surpasses any advice I could give anyone. I fact, I have always have had total distrust of any teacher who flat out MUST tell you who they are...Hey!! if you need to tell anyone who you are, it's then never been clear anyway. To define one's greatness in words says much more about your lack of greatness than anything else. I follow this zen ideal of "eat the Buddha". Once you reach a level of wisdom you lose religion, you have no walls, no dogma, for all these are used to separate you from others. Hence, you "eat the Buddha".  

           With self-reliance comes pride. I take great pride in all the struggles I've been through. They have provided me with invaluable lessons, multiple perspectives, and immense mental and physical fortitude. I know the value of one's past on my own life and therefore I value the stories of others very much. People always surprise me with their stories of strength, conviction. The very best of the human spirit are not found in Godly books, or religious places, they are found in everyday people. I always find it a great honor when anyone inquires about my world, anything from my running, to my struggles to my work. To know what one has been through is to truly understand that soul. It's no surprise that I am surrounded by a handful of amazing women who have survived and succeeded great feats; deep trust is exchanged between us and that is worth 1,000 lesser friends.