A world where men and women are.....

              We have a long way to go for true gender equality.  I watched Nanette, a movie on Netflix showing a standup comic, Hannah Gadsby, doing her self-professed 'last' comedy special, in which she shares her experience being gay in a small country off of Australia where being gay was not legal until recently. In her special, she touches upon how just her more masculine ways of dressing brought violent outbursts from men in her presence, enough to have her beaten by one man and raped in a separate incident by two men. In her special, she invites men to essentially "man-up" and toughen up and she even jokes about how could one's outfit bring about such 'violent reactions'. Even though laws are now in the books in the US to bring about more gender equality you can't sensor what's in people's heart and you certainly can't sensor people's insecurities. I say insecurities for I feel anytime you have sexism, or cases of misogyny, or gender discrimination it's almost always about one's lacking sense of self. 

  

                I don't think I could emphasize enough the powerful effect this movie has had on me. Life works so beautifully this way. You never know what's going to come your way and change your life completely, in this case, for the better. Nevertheless, this one stand-up show made me realize two things. One, it's okay to be mad, really mad, but most importantly, her stand-up taught me that it's okay to seek and create new ways of being a woman that does not require smiles, sweetness, "rolling over" and being of service to all, always. I don't need to behave like a sweet puppy  or be "lady like". I don't need to come across non-threatening, and especially, I don't need to behave this way whenever I encounter a man who has insecurity issues. Please understand, that I am by no means advocating roughness or some version of a mainstream rendition of the "angry feminist"; the opposites of anything is never a solution, for like a pendulum, when pushed it comes back to hit you back on its return.  

                Yes, the issue lies in that there are very few already-established paths for women to follow. Joseph Campbell, whose videos about the Hero's Journey I devoured as a young adult , apparently believed that women are not part of the hero's journey. Yet, I question that assumption, for women have only been recently been allowed to have stories. Just a few generations ago women were not able to vote, drive, own land, marry other women, divorce....on and on and on, etc.... so I say yes, women could also follow the hero's journey, but first we have to write it, for it has barely begun to be written. 

                 So what does a woman, young adult or girl in this new world look like, act like and think about? First, she'd listen and respond to your words and expect fully for you to be able to handle criticism; handle your shit, essentially. She'd move around her space perfectly comfortable in her body. She'd walk into a space never thinking on how she's perceived externally. She would trust herself explicitly. I have had the opportunity to play with these new ideas myself lately and I have to say it feels so light being able to walk around only worried about what's going on in my own damn head and not carrying so contradictory and unnecessary thoughts all the time. Women, especially young ones, have a tendency to always worry about what others are thinking of their words, movements, clothes, tone, etc, rendering them fully at the mercy of their observers. Imagine a world where we see women become their most genuine selves and our younger generation absorb the strengths of these older women and grow to be even stronger, more confident with each generation. Our community, our country, our world can only win from the wisdom of women. 

Becoming a renaissance woman

               They call Maya Angelou a renaissance woman. She lived with such joy that anyone in her presence got to feel her joy. I want to be that, not for the sake of others, although that would not be a bad bonus. But I want to exude that presence. The only way to reach those heights, as Dr. Angelou did is to become so self-aware, so fearless that every moment is filled with love, presence and a wish to give. 

           I feel like I am ever-so-slowly becoming a renaissance woman. I have noticed that the more beauty, books, poetry, and wisdom I soak in from the outside world the more I become seated in my own self, and like who I find in my place. I am aware of these changes when I read my early writings about faking confidence  (until you make it), at the gym, for example. But now the confidence is just part of me as are my eyes, or my arms, or my legs. 

             Self-confidence, or lack-there of is no longer something I need to be aware of. I know this because not long ago I would always have a mental list of things about me I did not like so much and when talking to anyone. I did not like my forehead, or I felt my face looked less attractive from a certain view. I would always be aware of these shortcomings and secretly held them at the center of each interaction, overshadowing the interaction. These mental musings are not there anymore, ever, and those changes allow me to be more present, more clear and overall more joyful in each moment. 

Nothing beats strong

8 miles before 6am baby..
Nothing beats strong...

You are going nowhere without your mental game

                        I have been doing lots of research lately about what it takes to run and complete a 50 mile race. One consistent message I keep getting is that you should be running/walking at least 6/8 hours on your long run days for at least 2-3 long runs before the race. 
                        I am visiting my mom for the holiday and her husband, Marcelo, works in construction. On a -4 degree day he came home after work and reported that he'd worked outdoors the entire day and for the whole time he was performing some heavy duty labor. Immediately my mind goes to endurance. This 50+ year old man just came home from a 7-8 hour physically demanding workday and although he looked exhausted one can ask how is this different from a 5-6 hour training run? There is no difference. Equally, a few months back we hired four tree cutters to cut down a tree in our back yard and within 6 hours they had not only cut the tree down but they left no trace of it in and around our property. They did this with very little use of machines. Each worker drug out giant pieces of tree out to a truck on their backs. 

                         So not only do these two examples above illustrate that human endurance is something more prevalent in our community and that we all have come close contact with endurance in some form in our lives and not necessarily related to sports. Yet, what makes this fact even more fascinating is the mental aspect involved in endurance. Here are a few things I have learned so far about the mental aspects involved with endurance. 

* Your thoughts, and your thoughts alone, decide what is difficult and what is doable. Which explains why some days a 3-mile run can seem super tough and on another day it's seen as a breeze. 

* The minute you sign up for a race you are planting a seed in your own brain that this is possible. The very act of signing up for any race and planning other logistics around it, such as flight, hotel, etc... is an act of self-convincing. 

* Your body will meet your mind. Dream big baby! Of course you have to put in the work to train for any given endurance event, whether it's your job or a race. Yet, your body is absolutely able to grow to the dream your dream for it. Nothing is impossible. 
           
                          


                          

I am becoming a woman who....

           I have been turning around this idea of a new female for some time now. Not a feminist, not a woman as opposite a man, not a manly woman, not a strong do-it-all woman, not a "lady" or even a badass, but simply a new woman, undefined by any conventions. The more I follow this running journey I have come to discover this new woman, whom I feel very fond of, when I catch a glimpse of her once in a while. 

I am becoming a woman who..
I am becoming a woman who speaks with compassion, directness, fearlessness
I care not to change others, yet,  sway closer or further, depending on the tides of life
Long gone are the days of fearing misread intentions 
Extra sweetness, extra accolades, extra fluff are unnecessary 
I will not sweeten my tone of voice 
I will not paint on a smile to seem meeker, softer, smaller, less threatening, more ladylike.... it's not worth the bother
My presence IS my gift to you
I speak to you, share parts of me with you, listen....
It's a sign of utmost trust and admiration to hold one space, together
Unbound by all labels, I toast with all 
Your status, your possessions, your financial situation are trumped by your words...

When we come upon other runners...

           When running I am usually very happy, so it's no surprise that I smile at other runners and walkers as they pass me by and say, "Good Morning". Most often I get a smile back and even a return hello. When totally depleted of energy I will muster maybe a raised peace sign and a smile, but most times I will at least acknowledge the other person. But, more and more, and most often from younger runners, I get a deadpan stare, in which case after they pass silently to my greeting, I utter (under my breath, "or not"). Over the years I have gotten over the non-response. When I first started distance running I remember it really bit at me how some would simply pass you by. Then again, I WAS running in DC and like in any city people are cautious. Who knows what a smile or a greeting might bring, right? But I'd think that one could easier judge another's danger capability by engaging in a hello. For example, a drunk man stumbled out of the wooded area the other day, he was singing wildly and seemed unable to walk a straight line. As I ran by I summoned the voice of a Marine and sternly said a "good morning". In his drunken stupor the man responds, "Good morning Ma'am". Right then I categorized him as harmless.  

          Over the years, I have boiled down my greeting to a combination of a nod, a peace sign and a quick closed lip smirky smile. These three seem to be respectful, not too puppy giddy, not too forward, but communicate,  "Hey, we are into the same sport....oh yeah!" No matter what though, I find that a greeting is something I just naturally do and have never considered not doing. How do you greet other runners? 

Friendship and running

               Friendship has been on my mind a lot lately. 

               First, in a week, a friend I had way back in 5th grade is coming to run a long distance race locally and is spending a few days in my home with her hubby. I know, that is 33+ years ago, but we have so much in common and I cannot wait to chat it up with her. We are both runners, we both are married to runners, we both love to garden, we even both harvest our own dandelions; which we then consume, we both love dogs, and are attracted to simple things and, last, and not surprisingly, we are both very outspoken. Second, That same weekend happens to also be my longtime friend's birthday and I could not be luckier to have this woman beside me in life. She is the one person I can call, besides my hubby, any time of the day or night and she will guide me through the deepest, darkness times without a second thought. I surely wish a friend like that on everyone and can only hope I am as good a friend to her as she is to me. 

                  When I was younger I thought having more friends, than less, was a great thing to aspire to, 'the more the merrier, I'd think,' I'd do a terrific job groveling, begging and morphing myself in so many different me's just to be that all-supportive friend to as many people as possible, regardless of what they offered me, friendship-wise. Back then, even friends who'd toss me, figuratively, 'crumbs', would deserve my fullest attention. Back then, I could not afford to lose even the crappiest of friends, I was so afraid to be alone that the fear alone lit a fire under me to be a huge sucker. I'd sit up hours listening to miserable, divorcing women friends, who'd know nothing about me personally, or never even bothered to ask me about me. They'd drone on and on about their tragedy. They'd demand all sorts of help and support in their time of need and hardly knew me. I'd make their priorities my priorities, their emergencies my emergencies regardless of whether these priorities even mattered to me or whether they'd ever do the same for me. I'd remain friends with women who'd outright exclude me on girlfriend outings then, during future group gatherings, share in my presence all the details of their outings, as if I had no feelings to be hurt. I remember laboring for hours making entire meals for friends to only be rudely advised on my weight or told how my meal was not balanced. I'd stupidly pay out-of-pocket for take-out for friends going through things only be told how miserable they are that they're not elsewhere or with someone else at the time. So you see, I've had my share of crappy, inconsiderate, self-serving friends and at 43, I am done being that all-supportive friend. You see, I know I am a great friend, but I am not a social service, there is a difference. I may be a little absentminded and maybe a bit lacking in some areas(or a lot), but overall I am a solid, faithful, bulldog of a friend. I just want more because I know I deserve more. There is a very wise saying that goes something like this, "It's Much Better To Be Alone Than To Be With Someone Who Makes You Feel Lonely"

                 Not surprisingly, and opposite to my younger opinion, the secret to happiness comes from drastically whittling this list of friends down, down, down...and even more down. As I get older I have learned to become wiser in selecting friends. One simple defining factor in selecting these friends have been their actions, nothing more, nothing less. Just because someone calls themselves your friend does not make them a friend. Nope. It's a nice sentiment, but to be a friend, a true friend, you actually have to act like one too, not just part-time, not just in some areas, not just when it's convenient, but full-time, all the time. 

                  But I am sure you are asking yourself about now, "How does running and friendships come together?". Running has taught me to not fear being alone. In training for a race, I spend hours upon hours alone and I have gotten to really know me and like me. So, I no longer fear aloneness, in fact, I revel in it; and in the midst of all the business in life right now, I actually crave it. If left to my own devices, I will always be totally and utterly content, doing some creative activity or another. Freedom from any fear of being alone is liberating and empowering at the same time. But running has also taught me another great lesson in friendships, it's helped me know how to keep focus on my goal of finding my own inner peace in the face of extreme discomfort. You see, running is not a comfortable sport. On any given run, pain comes, pain goes and while you run you know this fact and despite knowing that pain comes you just continue on, fully trusting that just as easy as pain came, it will leave.          

                Therefore, I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life. Full of genuine loving friends and relationships that energize, not drain, inspire not drag you down. I feel so blessed to have so many amazing, strong, brave, and inspiring women in my life who both lift me up and fill me with love.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Powerful

                   Power is not a sensation women usually indulge in much. Growing up, the idea of a powerful woman drew images tainted with masculinized women, and certainly not one that would be deemed worthy of any valuable attention. Pages of magazines only ever had images of small, dainty women, and nowhere in my world did I see anything other than these tiny women, touted as what one must ultimately want to become.

                    When I run, I get such a powerful feeling. I have never done drugs, so I can only loosely liken the feeling to a strong high. My entire being soars and all my earthly problems are quickly brought to their knees. It's as if for the duration of the run, life's light of clarity were turned on and a secret wisdom were transmitted to me, but just for that run. If you are a non-runner you are probably thinking I have gone nuts. But if you are a runner, you know exactly what I am describing. My issue with this feeling is when I attempt to visualize myself owning this power I have trouble envisioning both me and this power as one, without having it tainted with masculinity. This troubles me. Its obvious that most of us women are missing enormous amounts of mental visual vocabulary when it comes to strong women, to the point that when we see a strong woman we meet it with fear, repulsion and/or distrust.

                   This lack images of strong women in our cache of mental images is no mistake; we ultimately live in a world where there is a huge profit to be made from making us feel less worthy by convincing us we are not good enough just the way we are. Second, there are also few female role models that immediately pop to mind that are both strong AND have a distinctive female flavor, for lack of a better description. Which leaves us with the question, can women be powerful and manage to avoid being defined or seen in masculine terms? I say there is, yet, we need to define this new "powerful" in a language of our own, a language not yet written. Just like parents clamoring to urgently invent and shape the role and responsibilities of their children in the midst of newly invented electronics, there are no pre-existing rules in either case. It is up to us women, who feel this power, to define, interpret and clarify this new path and construct, from scratch this missing visual language for other women to also envision and work towards.

                         Where to begin? I have already begun by boldly claiming my spaces with my presence without an ounce of personal body shame, or negative self-talk. I have learned that regardless of who one is, how one looks, we all deserve the right to walk freely and occupy all spaces with comfort and ease. This may sound terribly mundane and insignificant to most men, yet, the majority of women know all too well the feeling of negative self-talk that invades our thoughts. I have met women from age 18-80 who constantly battle negative self-talk daily and it's so destructively subtle that most never even know they don't have to live with this feeling. Again, only in showing women in the way we carry ourselves with confidence and unwavering self-compassion can we even hope to breed a new generation where strong is part of a young woman's mental image.

Marathon training week number four DONE!

                             Ran 8 miles. It's been ages since I have run 8 miles. I wish I had some very effective way of logging my miles so I could tell exactly when it was that I ran this far before. Anyway, this was an entirely head run. Every part of me was begging me to stop all the way up to mile 6. After mile 6 things became a bit easier. Maybe the electrolyte I took was what helped me. Nevertheless, I was not giving up. I had to walk a few times at the beginning, but after about 30 seconds I would start back up and try my best to become distracted somehow. This time I watched a movie on my IPAD until the battery died and then listened to music for the last 2 miles. 

                 I got a white Dahlia in my garden. It's actually on its way out. We just got back from being in NY for 2 weeks, so I missed its best stage. 

               A woman on the Women's Running Network on Facebook posted her feet with a pedicure. Sorry, that is something I do not do....at all. So here are my feet....the best you will ever see them....period. 

           Got home, stretched, then went out to the grocery store to get veggies to make juice for my husband and myself. Had 2 giant glasses so far. This one has 10 large carrots, 2 large apples, 1 whole celery plant and 2 beets. 

Cheers!!

               So after being gone for 2 weeks I come home to this letter (see below). After my initial panic, tears and texts to friends and chat with hubby (....oh and some googling what this means) I am finally a bit more relaxed....unfortunately, I have to wait OVER a WEEK to go to the 'follow-up' appointment  for we are leaving town for a week to see my mother-in-law. No matter what happens I feel a bit more prepared now.....also, until I have confirmation of something more serious I will try to keep my mind off of this issue. 

For dinner tonight I used my new spiralizer, which was a gift from my good friend, Jenna! 

I cooked shrimp and made zucchini pasta with the spiralizer. 

Lessons from the jiggling ass...

            I was at mile 4.5 of my 5-mile run and every time I passed someone on my path I could not stop thinking about the fact that every part of my body was probably jiggling as I ran past these strangers and wondered what my big bouncing ass must look like to them. It's slightly funny but also somewhat a very serious subject to all women. Although most of my body has tightened up quite a bit during this two years of running, I find myself still having to shove these annoying insecurities right back from the dark hole from where they came, during each and every run. 

           I could easily do what most people seem to do when they feel insecure about their rear, they cover it up with a fun running skirt, or with long shirt. But a stubborn part of me does not feel like covering anything up, and wouldn't that communicate to me that I feel shame in my body. After all the respect I've grown to feel over my body after running the 50k, then the marathon, there is no way in hell I would act in any way that would communicate shame to myself. 

            Yet still, the insecure feelings persist, each and every run comes with its own set of mental battle. But I think running in daylight, and letting my body freely jiggle without a care as I pump forward with power, strength and pride has a bigger, very important purpose. I am a regular sized woman running, and in simply doing that I claim strength, pride and power as something inherently mine. In doing so I allow other women, just like me to also feel the same sense of entitlement regardless of their body type, or size. As I chug along with head held high, claiming my streets, my body as mine, my power I am saying, "Girl, you too could feel strong, free, and shameless in your beautiful gift of a body." 

Do You Really Need Support in Order to Run?

                      I am a member of an online community called Women's Running Network and lately I have seen a lot of posts of women complaining about not getting the approval or support from a loved one of their new running habit. Most have begun running recently and their new-found love of running has stirred up their personal relationships. I think as a whole, women have created a huge problem for themselves in constantly seeking approval first and foremost in order to pursue the things they love to do. Relationships will tense up whenever things change, maybe harsh words will be shared, maybe loved ones will, at first, or even for many, many years, not take you and your habit seriously and yes, say stupid, mean, ridiculous things. It's ultimately up to you to either abandon ship at the first sign of trouble OR follow your passion undisrupted by others' opinions, stupid hurtful comments and non-support.
                       Why do we need so much approval anyway? The few times in my life in which I did not care an iota what others thought about my choices, and went ahead as planned, are the times I felt so incredibly strong about my choices. Those decisions were more often some of the best decisions I have ever made. Like in any new love, whether they are people or new habits, we personally must decide just how much it will become a part of us. The benefits I derive from running are so beneficial that I know no one is shaking me off this boat, approval or not. Needing approval places the power in the hands of another and that is a dangerous way to live life. To better explain my point, think of a dog, or any animal for that matter. Do dogs have to get approval for barking? Do fish have to get approval for swimming? Do birds need approval for flying. My point? If running is truly part of your life, than don't sit around waiting for approval or support, just do it. Make you a part of running and running a part of you. Once people see that running is so inextricably a part of your very nature, they will ease up the ruffled feathers and soften with time, or maybe not. But we must disconnect from this intense need to constantly get support and approval in order to grow into who we truly are.
                           One side clause here. Of course, if we have families and children we must be mindful of the time we spend away from them pursuing our ultimately selfish habit. Most runners with families run before their children wake, while they are at school or when they go to bed so as to not sacrifice any "family time". We also must still genuinely be mindful of our loved ones complaints and gauge if their gripes are genuine. In my case, my husband is also a runner, so when I started running he grumbled quite a bit about having to negotiate when we ran on weekends so as to not use up the whole day up. Took a few months to adjust to new schedules and new priorities, but soon things settled and now I check with him the night before and we decide on who will  go first the next day, etc.
                         So don't give up on running just because your loved ones are not so gracefully adjusting to your new life. Forgive, move on, continue running and soon they will see that you ARE indeed serious and that running is a part of who you are. Once they get this fact, based solely on your dedication and non-wavering partaking of your habit, the work will be done for you. Remember, you are a runner and you don't need support or approval for what you do because it's just who you are. The approval and support may come eventually as it did for me a year later, but your goal is to not be driven by them.

Runner's Birthday Loot....am I not the luckiest birthday runner?

Pearl iZUMi Women's W EM Trail M 2 Running Shoe

I had to return these for they came a bit tight at the toes. I am normally get 8.5, so I returned them and am waiting for my 9 to come soon. 

Womens Yurbuds Inspire Sport Earphones

I tried these out last night while watching a movie and they do stay in place. I was a bit annoyed at how deep the stuff goes in, but I think I can get used to them. Will try them out on my run tomorrow. 

Under Armor Semi-Fitted lavender top....

I cannot have too many of these tops. Seriously. They are so comfy, so well fitted, they do not fade, they really do absorb sweat (not after 2 hours). I sometimes wear them as regular t-shirts just b/c the colors are so bright and the shirt so well done. 

Zone Bars for those long runs

These are for my long, long runs every 2 weeks. I tatsed it and it was super chicolatey, just how I like them. 

____    ____   ____  ____  ___

Things I bought myself for my birthday: 

A Nathan's Intensity Vest for women and a 24 pack of chocolate GU. 

Redefining the strong woman (minus the sexuality or the masculine)

                  When society is made to think about images of women, strength is rarely first on the list of descriptors used to describe us. Early on, most women are taught by general society that strength does not really belong to them, beauty perhaps, frailty and daintiness maybe, but definitely not strength! As I grow into a better runner and slowly begin to think of myself as an athlete, I find that there is a lack of images out there of strong women for me to look up to. Okay, let me rephrase that. There ARE images of strong women out there, but they are either heavily sexualized waif versions of some barbie fantasy or paralleled to men by having them have an increase of male characteristics, nothing in between. 

                  My question therefore is, 'Are there images of women out there where strength stands alone, without her being sexualized or masculianized?' I have found, yet not surprised, that rarely do we see strong women not sexualized. If they are not sexualized, they are then often very masculine looking. I believe this is because a strong woman alone may be threatening to society, a free-wheeling soul that lacks eye candy appeal....? too dangerous...But I will have to think further on this before I can speak to it further. 

                One interesting phenomenon I recently noticed that illustrates this need to sexualize women is found in the upsurge of plus-sized models. We all celebrate plus-sized models as if we have finally advanced as women. Yet, if we look closer at the images of these plus-sized models that are being pumped out there is hardly any room to budge in the identity prescribed. Plus-size models are most often depicted heavily sexualized. You will not find a non-sexualized plus-size model out there anywhere, I dare you to try to find one....why is that? It's like her strength alone is not allowed to stand solo. Putting her in a lingeries, stilettos and heavy makeup to me takes away whatever power we women could have drawn from these women in the pages of our magazines. 

                   Surely there are women who fit in between these two far distant extremes of sexuality the masculine. Notice how the images of these supposedly 'strong' women in magazines and on TV are always either sexualized or either made to look totally masculine; the TV commercial could be about mayonnaise for all we know and still, you'd see women swoon and breathe with their lips parted as if they were in some heated love exchange.  

                       As I get older and struggle to define the newly-found strength in my muscular, healthy and curvy body I do not see anyone on TV or magazines that carry the pride I do without the apologetic additions of lipstick and/or macho qualities. I decided to go on a quest and search on Pinterest and try to find these images of women that I would off-the-bat consider 'strong' but without the over-peppering of either sexuality or testosterone. I quickly found that it was very hard to find such images. Below are some of the very few images I did manage to find. 

                The difficulty of this quest to find these images made me wonder if there even IS such an identity of a stand-alone strong woman in our collective visual library.  In the coming weeks I will try to meditate to try to define what a strong woman looks like to me.  I believe as an artist and a visual person I need this identity redefined to fit a more genuine truth about strength in women....obviously, this will have to be a new chapter.....inspiration drawn only from me, seeing as there is practically nothing out there defining strong women that isn't cheaply contaminated. 

Gripe about images of women in running magazines

               

    Come on....we're in 2013 and still we have waifs dominating the pages of magazines and catalogs!! Seriously, at my last half marathon most women running resembled my curvy body, than a size 4 body; but still we see women with bodies we hardly see in real-life depicted in these fitness magazines. I am a very fit person and I would like to see my body reflected in these magazines; not just for its political nature but for the mere fact that I find it hard to imagine what MY body would look in something I may want to buy. I was flipping through Athleta yesterday and as much as I love their clothes, there is NO way I am dishing out 60+ dollars on a piece of clothing that may or may not work on my body....why can't they find some stunning, fit curvy woman to model clothes and that way the people like me can actually see what they might look like in those clothes and buy with more confidence. I decided I will email my concerns to every company that pisses me off....one way to do it would be to do it publicly thorough maybe Twitter, so their 'followers' will be able to see these opinions being expressed and would allow others to re-tweet the message. Would love to hear what you all think?

A Dog-filled Run

                      I was running around the towns of Baldwin, Freeport and Oceanside, NY in Long Island this morning for my long run (10 miles) and I must have seen about 3 dogs who were not on a leash. One actually ran up to me while I passed his house and I got really startled. I could tell within seconds that it was a friendly dog, but it still made me stop out of fear. For a few blocks there I actually considered carrying my pepper-spray in my hand instead of in a little pocket inside of my arm-band, where I always carry it, but I was too lazy and trying to conserve energy.

                     I love dogs, but I would not hesitate to spray one that comes after me. A few years back when my sweet, gorgeous and super friendly German Shepherd dog, Duncan, was alive, a very angry dog ran out of his back yard and for many minutes attached his teeth to the back of my poor dog as I frantically called for help. Three thousand dollars later he was fine but it was such a traumatic experience that I could not do runs again for years. I tried continuing my running, but each time I would have this overwhelming fear that out of nowhere an angry dog would come running after me.

                      So now I carry pepper spray and I don't play. I also now have two kids and need to be home for my family. I believe every person, especially women, should carry pepper spray on their runs. It's much better to be safe than sorry. What do you do to stay safe?