Perceptions change, one run at a time....

Do I see myself as a runner?
Only sometimes. 
Despite having completes 11 marathons and three ultras I still struggle with the label of athlete. 
Most days I still struggle to get out there....
I always mentally prepare for the looks, 
the inquisitive stares 
those faces, clear as day, that communicate a certain level of discomfort at seeing me out there....chugging away, relentlessly
moving my un-apologizing large body through space, owning every mile. 
Yet I do not give up. Long are the day I retreat back to my home and lick my wounds for the fear of those stares. 
Although the passage of time or the many, many instances I have faced these demons does not make it any easier I know why I run, and that keeps me moving. 
Me being out there is like a beacon for so many women; it allows the doors for those who look just like me....
Seeing me out there, week after week slowly doing my miles changes what one expects to see out there... ever so slowly perceptions begin to shift. Others get to see me as something other than what they have conditioned to see...
and begin seeing a fighter, 
a badass, 
they begin to see beauty, 
strength, perseverance.....
but most importantly, 
they learn to associate all those amazingly positive things 
with a body like mine......
Never give up. 

Ran in my jogging bra for the first time yesterday

                 I never thought I'd do it...but it happened. Yesterday I ran in my running brad and no shirt over it!! I know, this is not a huge deal for most women with more "traditional" bodies, but for us who have been taught to hide our bodies due to its larger size, it's not an easy task. Granted, it was at a beach boardwalk at Jones Beach in NY. It was easier to accomplish for it's not THAT unusual to see a woman in a bra-style top at the beach, right? Yet, it was a great start to the turning of a new leaf. To top off my amazing day, the weather was absolutely gorgeous, the sky was partly cloudy, it was in the 70's and at the very end it started to sprinkle rain, which felt absolutely divine. Will I be doing this again? absolutely!!