Let the Chips Fall Where They May

                As women get older they change in many ways that are different from men. Surely there are lots of studies out there specifically describing the many differences between both sexes as they age, yet, it's been my experience that women shed a lot as they get older, they get bolder, they feel less afraid, and more decisive overall; women find a more powerful versions of themselves as they age. They shed the drama, the fears, the doubts. They shed the need for approval and reach a level of self-dependence that undoubtedly creates rough ripples in  the delicate relationship balance that exists between one's friends or family. Yet, these casualties are a necessary part of finding inner peace. If someone were to offer me youth over staying at my age of 45 I'd stay put, thank you very much.  

               I feel MUCH more comfortable in my own skin at age 45 than I have ever felt my entire life, and that is change worth celebrating. One aspect of getting older which has helped to make my life better overall has been making sure that every energy that comes from me strongly aligns with my comfort level. Depending solely on my own intuition on whether or not to trust experiences as they come has been instrumental in this mass shedding. The older I get the more emotionally independent I feel and the more clearly I am able to see people's true motives, and, the older I get the less I need to act upon these external influences. Let the sleeping dragons sleep. AS mentioned above, the delicate balance that has been built between you and your family and friends will undoubtedly be disrupted as you find your inner strength. Because lots of these relationships have been built on top one's own disingenuous past self these relationships may most likely be unfortunate victims to the mass culling. 

                 Not all relationships are victims of this mass culling. True loving relationships always find a way to make it past these hurdles. I remember when I first started running it shook up my family dynamics quite a bit. My husband and I had lots of fights. And please understand that my husband was in full support of me running, yet, he was not used to the amount of time I put into it. Most loved ones, no matter how much they love you, will always fight against any and all change, totally normal; it is the way we humans are built. The key to my change was it's relentlessness. I, of course, listened to his concerns, such as about being out too much for long runs on the weekend and I made sure to accommodate his concerns by running earlier in the mornings before anyone was up yet. Yet, I made sure not give up what mattered to me the most, which was do these races and to train for them over long hours. Relentlessly seeking out what makes you YOU is the key. People that love you will be there after it all blows apart and when all the dust settles, they will be there adjusting, but there. The few that continue to wait for you to be the old you and never manage to acclimate to the new you will silently distance themselves into the background. If the YOU that you genuinely are is not the right you for someone and they expect you to be something you are genuinely not, one cannot in all honesty call that true or pure love, that is closer to bullying or bordering on control. Both results, staying or walking away are perfectly okay in my world. Both results are part of our learning experience here on earth. I love the ones I love dearly, but this round of growth I love ME so much more than anyone else in my life....and in the end I need to be able to live with myself first and foremost.