Gettin’ my arms back baby!

      Women hardly ever get to feel strong. I have been lifting weights for about 3 to 4 times a week for 2 months now and it shows, finally. I absolutely love going to the gym for weigths. Lately, due to scheduling issues I go mostly in the evenings and find that tons of 20-year-olds hang there at nightnot necesarily to work out either. It's a 24-hour gym and once there, it's nice to know there is no rush to finish,time is lost. I don't do free weights. I know how to use free weights; I'm selft-taught and many, many times in the past I've done free weights from home, but I prefer the machines for now. Plus, at the gym there are only two benches which are usually taken up for 10 minutes at a time, so, that would not be an option anyway. Something odd about looking at yourself in a mirror while working out around 20-30 people, I'm not there yet. Also, working out at home is never an option. Most moms would understand; who wants to relax in a place you are likely to be asked for a sandwich? 
        Weight are one thing, but I stopped doing my runs at the gym. I use to watch whole movies as I ran on that treadmill, I find that I can no longer do this...for now. I know during the fall and winter I was doing ALL my long runs, as long as 20 to 22 miles at the gym, but I am totally burned out on that option. I am very much enjoying doing my runs outdoors, super early, before the sun comes up or in the early evening, soon after the sun has gone down. 
         Come June, I need to start long and longer runs to get ready for MCM again. As much as I am looking forward to more formal training runs, I am also enjoying the off-season, so relaxing. I have to confess, I am not really pumped up for the MCM as I have been in the past. This will be my 4th MCM, after the 5th I can get in any year so this race is working towards that goal of 5 mcm's, yet, I am not looking forward to the hurried nature of a huge race anymore. I feel I am emotionally transitioning to loving the ultra community more and more and may need to start doing 50K's just to be able to do trail races. Something about those races that feels much more like my tribe. Being surrounded by amazing, yet, super humble and supportive people really makes me love life even more and there is nothing else like it. 
         Which brings me to my goal of getting faster to the forefront. I need to start getting a bit faster if I want to do some of these races. I need to start working on speed, even if it's only once every 2 weeks. I must confess I hate, hate, hate speed work, I even hate hills, and I despise making my workouts super structured, totally. not. my. style. I know I am a workout rebel so I will continue to train as I please, listening only to my body and not giving up, anything beyond that, I cannot make any promises. Running is between my head and my body and for right now speed runs are a huge NO, regardless of how much I need to be getting faster.......I may change my mind later, but that's the beauty of being your own master, you get to choose. 
            

The plus size athlete... (mike drop)

              Funny how you may be THE least competitive person on the planet, but IF you, (1) don't look like an athlete and,  (2) run races, such as marathons, you will forever come face to face with people's predictable, yet, extremely annoying and ruffled reactions to the incompatibility of these two facts in their own world. The reason I mention competition above is because the reaction I most often get is similar to what I'd probably get had I had chosen to challenge them competitively, a mix of offense and muted anger. Yet, I never think of my sport as one in which I need to compare myself with others, yet, the reaction I get points otherwise. Second, and even more importantly, I very much know that anyone can really do what I do if they set their minds to it, therefore, I know I don't put out competitive vibes out there. 

             As a human being who is fascinated by human reactions and thought patterns and who is also very aware of even the slightest change in reactions in others around me, I find it fascinating, frustrating and also extremely disturbing to subtly witness discomfort from others upon knowing about my little hobby. Which is why I will very rarely be heard talk about running with non-runners. Even among some runners I may be apprehensive talking about running. If I feel even the slightest bit of tension coming off them I move away.   

             Running has become like an old, comfortable shoe to me. Over the years I have made this sport is mine, all mine. I guess all runners find a way to make the sport speak through them. One benefit to reaching this level of familiarity with anything is that odd responses, or subtle words of discouragement no longer rattle me, instead, they both amuse me and they fire me up to do even more. In all seriousness, to me, running is much bigger than bragging rights, or impressing others. Those emotions did at one point exist in my head, yet, they have since been replaced with less extravagant and much more personal reasons. Running has become a form of life prayer, it's my happy place, it's my life skills coach, my giver of hope in humanity and through it I see the world with more love, more compassion and more understanding.  

                So come to me with your unsolicited comments on pace and speed or your subdued, yet, purposely hurtful questions, such as, "Did you walk it?". I am ready now. Know that these reactions do not hurt me, instead, they allow me to see you for who you are. At 44, my focus in the sport is razor sharp and my goals are fanned daily deep in my heart. Bring it....
  
                

Nudity

Dear women who openly walk around nude in the locker room at the gym, 

           Although I am currently way too shy to be able to walk around nude in the women's locker room at my gym, I very much cheer, admire and am in total awe of anyone who can do this and hope to some day be able to join you in this act of beauty, defiance and bravery. As I jealously passed a few of you this morning after my workout doing your hair or toweling off buck-naked in front of the mirrors, I internally challenged myself that I too would be one of you within the year. 
             I guess I have always been very reserved. Most likely it stems from from years and years of being self-conscious about my body, and yes, with a touch of cultural shyness to boot. Seeing a grown person in the nude was just not common sight growing up in my household. I remember I was a babysitter for a family in my teens. This family had a pool. Before swimming one day the moms chose to change right into their suits right front of me and I had a huge panic attack; nothing like this has ever happened in my presence before. As I grow to love my body more and more each day I find it imperative that I too face my own discomfort with nudity and if I am to continue changing in total privacy to make damn well sure that it's not out of shame or pure cowardice. So, I'd like to thank you for just being who you are! You represent a place I'd love to be in my relationship with my body, yet have not yet reached. Seeing you be so free and confident in your body allows me to be more confident in mine. You see, we all inspire each other, so keep on being your amazing self. 

Sincerely, 
-Still too shy to bear it all

              
               

I am 43....older and wiser baby!!

                I am 43 and a day and I feel the happiest I have ever felt. Now, don't confuse the word "happiest"with what most people consider trouble-free, or ecstatic living even. I am simply at peace, that is my definition of happy. For as long as I remember I've been trying to change things outside and inside of me and all of the sudden all of those concerns have melted away with time, with only one central focus in mind, peace. For as long as I remember I've been trying to change my body, change my style, change my hair, change the way I am friends with people.....all in the spirit of "I cannot possibly be doing it right all along". Yet, maybe it's the age, or maybe it's the lack of results that so much trying brings, but suddenly I don't want to go that route anymore. There is a certain fearlessness about being 43 that brings me so much more energy and strength. and those are reasons enough to stop trying.

              Another reason I am super happy is that my long term mysterious injury on my right foot seems to have disappeared, or at least lessened. When you love running as much as I do, it's so depressing not being able to run, to really move and feel your powerful legs beat beneath you. The way I have been preventing injury these days is running 90% of my run at a comfortable aerobic pace, and then sprinting the last 10%. That way I still get that high that one gets from pushing hard, but I do it on a body that's already warmed up and ready to go. As an aside, I would not say I am back 100% yet. I have not really taken my runs out on the road and even on the 'dread'mill I have not added an incline to my runs. For now, it's just running without all the other technical things I will need in a trail race, but, trying really hard to continue running and no re-injuring myself. 

             One advantage of being older (by society's standards that is...for I do not feel a day over 22) is the ability to see that sexy is an amorphous thing which the viewer and the entity being viewed can easily manipulate without the need to do much of anything but change ones mind. I have experienced women larger than me, even less fit than me strut their shit with so much confidence, so much pride that it literally changes my experience of them. When you strut sexy, people see sexy. It has NOTHING to do with body size, clothing, make-up, age....nothing. We all have the ability to pretty much control how others see us, no matter what size out body is. Young people sadly often lack this knowledge and try super hard to look as sexy as they want to feel. While this is an admirable goal, it leads us to such misery and self-loathing. I have tortured myself for years trying to look as sexy as I wanted to feel and all it brought me was a distorted sense of self and low self-esteem, plus it's exhausting. 

The lonely path of the plus-size athlete

            I read a wonderful, life-changing, article this week sent to me by a friend on Facebook called Fighting to be Seen as a Plus-Size Athlete by Louise Green and in it she speaks about her experience as a plus-size athlete. Before this article I did not dare call myself an athlete, not to myself, not in the presence of others. I have run and successfully completed six marathons, one grueling 50K and three half marathons, yet, I did not dare take that lofty title for myself. I am what society might call an overweight woman and in our world, overweight women are never seen as also athletes. Yet, there was this article, it felt beyond refreshing reading about someone else's experience in this area for it's generally a harsh and lonely journey; harsh and lonely, almost like running at 4am on a 20 degree morning and coming across another runner, how rare would that be? Well, reading this article, felt just THAT awesomely rare, I could hardly contain my excitement. But, not only is this journey lonely, but it's also one in which you have to be mentally strong, beyond anything you have ever thought you could be or wanted to be growing up. For example, you might be feeling invincible, strong, super-powerful after a killer 6-mile run, yet, people all around you, even loved ones, fail to sufficiently celebrate with you in these accomplishments, how could they? for ultimately, your larger-than-a-real-runner appearance says that you have obviously not yet reached your goals, so what one gets instead is .....(drum roll).... deafening silence. These loved ones DO mean well by the way. Hey, deafening silence ultimately is a very loving family's politically correct way of not hurting your feelings. Unfortunately, this is not very encouraging to say the least. There are days my only hope is repeating my mantra "Don't give up". I have long forgotten why not give up, only that I know deep inside that giving up brings along more negative feelings and negative feelings takes one nowhere good, so hence the mantra, "Don't give up."

              Being a plus-sized athlete is a lonely endeavor, but one that I have embraced without complaint for all these years I've bene running. Instead, I have taught myself to gain energy and strength from my own pride in my many accomplishments and that has been my never-ending fuel, my hope, my lifeline. Yet, it does not keep me from every once in a while from wishing. I wish strength were seen and recognized as just as amazing accomplishments as becoming 'skinny'. I wish my powerful thighs (of which I am very proud of by the way) were seen by others as more than 'too big'. I wish my excited talks about training for a marathon #7 were not met with awkward silence. I know, sounds gloomy right? yet, THE MOST amazing side affect of this lonely journey has been the newfound relationship I now have and enjoy with my body. I can honestly say, finally at 43, that I LOVE my body. I love my feet with its many callouses on my toes from running all these miles, I love my muscular calves when highlighted when wearing heels, I love my substantial thighs, my round and ever-present butt, my beautiful reassuring arms, my confident chest. At 43 (I'll be 43 in 1 day) I have never felt as strong a relationship with my body as I do now. Immeasurable pride is all I feel now for my body, whether anyone chooses to see that OR not, that is how I feel in my body and that makes me wake up each morning and smile and keep going and keep training. Whether others like it or not, I wear what feels comfortable and right for the weather, without worries about how it's perceived. On a hot day, you damn right I'll wear tanks, when running, I wear tights. Yes, my ass is 'what it is', round and in your face in those tights. But, if you don't like it? t's your problem, not mine.

         I end with the best lines from this article of which I pasted below:
             "she helped me see the importance of visibility and size diversity in athletics. Simply showing up in my body is a power move, pushing back against an ideal many of us struggle to obtain. Seeing larger bodies achieving athletic feats allows us to see ourselves in those moments. Right now, there are plus size athletes competing at Ironman, in the Olympics, in marathons, and in most races across the nation. Yet we seldom see them."


         

Build Your Best Body- entry 10

I took my Franken-sneakers out for my first run, a total of 4 hard non-stop miles and it did great. I even PR'ed for the mile and the 5k for this year.........I need to strengthen a few stitches on the sides, but otherwise, the sneakers worked out beautifully. 

A PR smile!!......I guess it helped that I ran a flat-ish course and did not have any street crossing to stop at or a dog to drag around. 

I made juice of course.....slowly running out of supplies. We have not driven anywhere since Friday due to the storm....maybe tomorrow I will get the nerve and drive to the veggie store 3 miles away.....but for now we have enough left for maybe one day's worth of juice. I make about 50 ounces of veggie/fruit juice daily and my hubby and I share it evenly. If I don't make it he will pick up the ask. 

Making curry chicken dinner with steamed rice, I can smell it simmering as I type.... Dinnertime in 15 minutes. 

Oh, and of course....red wine to celebrate my PR......LOL. 

Snowcation

Today I ran 4 miles and walked an additional 2.6 miles. 

Here are kids sledding in my neighborhood. In walking a few blocks this morning to go peel my son from this fun, fun place made me realize I could run in this!! yes!! All I needed was my Yak Trax. Not one fall, not one slip while running in these. So far in two days I've logged 8 miles in these,  and I've had them for 3 winters now, so they hold up fine. Want to feel invincible? buy one of these and run in them. 

            After 4 miles of running in the snow I got back home pumped! My daughter had wanted to go walking to the supermarket (1.3 miles away). We geared up, grabbing reflectors and a flashlight and walked. This was the gorgeous sunset we saw on the way there. We walked back in the dark. I am a huge believe in reflective wear and flashlights now...I am pretty sure my life has been made tons safer by just wearing them. My daughter thought the reflective vest looked like I was wearing a bra over my jacket. "Safety over fashion", I told her.

Amphipod Xinglet Reflective Wear

It was getting dark....but after my 4 miles, Mamacita and I walked to the market and back, a total of 2.6 miles. She was a real trooper. 

Got back home and made the family some Seared Lemon Shrimp. 

We had to make a triple batch of Amy's Carrot Cake Oatmeal Cookies, they go pretty fast. Here is the online link to the blog that has the recipe. Granted mine have a "rough" look to them, probably because I had to substitute some items seeing as I could not go out and get them in the storm. But the cookies are delicious. Thank you Amy's Heathy Baking Blog at http://amyshealthybaking.com 

Looks like the snowcation will continue.....

Build Your Best Body- entry 9

We are ready for the 'storm of the century'. Yes, That is guava you see....I have some great news...I'm 5.8 lbs down since I started my 'primarily plant-based eating plan. 

Went to Target and this was the bread aisle. I then went to Safeway supermarket and just had to laugh at their inflated fruit prices....Thank goodness for the new Korean supermarket in my town. I can buy $50 worth of veggies and fruits for only about $30. 

I ran 4.10 miles in the blizzard....proud to say I was the only runner out there. The fast growing snow did a number on my butt muscles...I had to literally kick forward with each new step to clear the snow before me for the last 2 miles. 

Thank you Yak Trax. Not one slip, not one fall....

Build Your Best Body - entry 8

 

A big storm is approaching and we have school off again tomorrow....went to buy some essentials...LOL. No seriously.... as health conscious as I want to be, we all need some wine every once in a while.

          Nora told me she was not feeling too hot and was coughing a bit. She surprised me by asking me for a juice. So you see! she has been listening to me blab on about the benefits of juicing....She told me she did not want all the normal things I usually put in mine, instead, she wanted a simple carrot-apple juice. That's it....carrots and apples.

 

Here is her juice, it's probably about 14 ounces...she drank it all up after dinner.

 

Now time to make my juice for the night!!

Build Your Best Body -Entry 7

 

Ready for juicing this morning.....I see bock choi, ginger, apple, lemon, carrots.... 

I missed a few days of posting so from now on I am calling each post an "entry" and not list them as if they are consecutive days. 

Best thing that happened today was that  ran for 5 miles on a new route while Nora was at her gymnastics class. I was perfectly bundled for the run and it felt great. I even had a PR on the fastest mile for this year, or so my Garmin tells me.

 

This is how I pack mangoes to take to work with me....no matter what it's not a pretty sight to see me eat a mango. 

Packing my lunch and snacks for work and after-school saves me from buying any emergency outside food.

Build Your Best Body- day 6

Did five non-stop running miles in the pouring rain last night with my dog, Brad...got back home at 11:30pm completely drenched and feeling amazing. This one run was so painless, it got me thinking. Perhaps all the fruit and veggie juices from the past week have been helping my joints, or maybe the 4.5 lbs I have lost from my "primarily plant-based" eating has helped me feel less tired, OR......maybe, just maybe it's Zumba. I've always been dead set against cross-training, yet, I have the sneaky suspicion that doing Zumba once a week has helped my other less-used muscles give me more overall stability and strength. 

Today I took Nora to the Alexandria Animal shelter, about 15 minutes from my house. No, we are not looking for any new pets right now. We already have four pets, a parrot, 2 cats and a dog. But Nora loves to pet animals and so we go often, as often as we can I should say. Here is one of the fur babies we met. His name is Diego and he is a chihuahua/pom mix and he was just the sweetest. Loving animals is one reason I am doing this 'primarily-plant-based eating plan, so I only thought it appropriate to share one of the animals.

Tonight's juice has a handful of kale, another handful of dandelion, 10-13 carrots, 1 ginger chunk , 1 small beet, 2 apples, 1 lemon and 1 small bok choi bundle.

Here is little momma, again, helping me make my juice.

I bought myself new sneakers! Here is a very crappy quality picture of what they look like. 44mm toe to hell drop (like the one I run in) and just amazing.....Can't wait to run in it tomorrow.

The day has been dark, broody and blah....great weather for reading in bed!! yes!!

Build your best body- day 5

     I was lucky enough to have a special helper tonight. She is even helping me type this post. My sweet little momma, age 8, asked to help me cook today!!! We cut-up veggies to make several salads to last a few days. The salads had a nice mix of sliced carrots, a handful of sprouts, diced tomatoes, shredded kale, canned black beans, and spinach leaves. Nora helped rinse and separate the beans into the 3 salads. 

Now....let's just hope daddy does not go in there and eat all of our salads. 

           Here she is....learning how to use the juicer. She was being super careful. First we juiced the greens on HIGH and then all other veggies on the LOW(er) setting. Today's juice had a whole lemon, a piece of ginger, two apples (one red and one green), tons of medium carrots, a handful of kale, some dandelion, and a medium beet. Below are the veggies prior to juicing. 

Hey!! she even got to drink her own glass. She says, "It's sweet!". 

Build your best body - day 4

Build your best body- day 3

We make sure to have the fruit basket always filled with fun, easy to eat fruits. This idea actually came from my mom. When we go to visit her in New York, and all through our childhood, we've always have a FULL basket of fruit. Now we just adopt that idea and we too have a basket full of fruit on the dining room table....for snacks. 

Running tonight and taking a juice to drink with me right after my run, as a 'recovery drink'. This one has 10-15 carrots, a thumb of ginger, a bunch of dandelion, one lemon, two small apples, parsley, kale and one small beet.

And pouring out some yumminess to drink before running tonight.Now I am sitting here typing this and sipping away at my juice. 

I thought it was really cold out and layered with two pants... went back inside and changed into one pair.....but....once we drove to gymnastics it had started snowing. First snow of the season. The wind picked up and I got really chilly, so I drove back home to again, put on two pants. All this running around ate up my running time, so I ended only running 2.4 miles. A bit disappointing, but a few miles is better than none. Plus, tonight was absolutely gorgeous. Where we live is very dark and we could see every star in the night, with the exception of some fast moving clouds covering them here and there due to the extreme wind. I think I will get up in the morning and do two more. It's Zumba day tomorrow, so I don't want to be too much in pain....but two easy miles might not be that bad.