This weekend ran 13.1 miles at one time as
my 'long run'. The entire time I was running I felt this huge sense of gratitude
that would every so often wash over me and bring a smile to my face. This
positive mood could have been brought on by the fact that it was a beautiful
morning and my run felt generally good and even hills felt easy. There are days
when the entire run can feel like torture, so the fact that this one began and
continued strong was a plus. I felt gratitude for having powerful legs that
could make this now feel easy, when just a few months back it was a literal
impossibility to run that far. I also felt gratitude for having a husband that
was supportive of my leaving him with the kids for over two and half hours, I felt
gratitude that I had gotten enough sleep the night before to be able to wake up
and truly feel I could do this.
While running I kept coming back to one single overriding feeling, and that was
pride. I felt a sense of pride for being able to run this long and this far and
how this feeling of pride was new to me. Never before did I genuine felt
deserving of allowing myself to truly experience pride. I have reached many
accomplishments in my life that some might think I could feel proud of, yet,
somehow this one, of pushing myself far and long, most genuinely feels like an accomplishment,
more so than graduating from graduate school, or landing the job of my dreams,
or finding a great mate to marry, or bearing children. Being able to push my
body to its limit and surviving it is to me, the most amazing thing I have done
and I cannot wait to see what else I can do...the more I can do the more my
mind opens up and allows the flood of possibilities to water the seeds of my
dreams.
