Powerful beyond measure

                            On a newly minted 2017-2018 paper calendar, I penciled in all my required training miles for both my fall marathons and the ultra in March of next year. After completing the task, which took an hour or more, frankly, I am not sure about this. The back, to back, to back long runs are quite daunting to the mind and I am afraid of getting to those later months and feeling completely overwhelmed and not accomplishing the task I set out to do. But, after having lived this process in training for past marathons, I know that is only fear speaking, and sometimes fear is way too cautious, for fear can literally choke the life out of you. 

                             In trying to come up with ways to tackle this feeling of enormity and overwhelming sense of dread, I know, deep inside that all I need to do, on any given day, is attack that day, accomplish those day miles and continue to put my 'nose to the grind each and every day. The minute I add up the weekly miles in my head or think about the actual distance of a, say,  a 30 miler and a 15 back-to-back, I shudder. But that keeps me focused is that I want this! I want this so much. Deep inside I know that what will make this possible for me (or not) will be the way I think about it. In running long races, more than any other activity I know of, one needs to be really aware of the consequences, if you may, ones' thoughts. Yes, training is important, it's half the preparation. Yet, where my mind is at is JUST as important. My thinking could make this happen, or could make it unravel faster than I can run a mile. I know now that within me, and within the contents of my thoughts, lie all the strength I need to make this race happen. Like the famous Marianne Williamson quote says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."  

                            I AM powerful beyond measure. But it's not just me that is powerful, everyone I meet is powerful beyond measure. It saddens me when I meet someone and the first thing they tell me when they know I run far is, "I could never do that". Words are so incredibly powerful, that in that statement alone they instantly strip away their own power. In that instant they are totally right, they could never do that. But not because they can't, but because they believe they can't. Beliefs are powerful things. They can tie us down or liberate us. They can cause great suffering or heal. I know a woman who is in an abusive marriage for almost two decades now. Kids have grown and gone, she has a good job to be able to financially support herself, but still, she remains, tied to this horrible man. To all of us looking at her life from the outside we can clearly see that she could leave at any moment, but to her, she is solidly bound to this jerk and sees no way out. 

                          Clearly, I have a lot of work to do. Getting my mind to believe that this is possible is what I am working on right now. To get myself there I am reading lots of testimonials from first time 50 mile runners, listening to ultra running podcasts, and getting as much sleep, relaxation and rest as I can when I am not running. Once the miles begin piling up and I get stronger I will feel even more confident. In the meantime, one run at a time. 

                          

Do what you fear most....

         The Wheel of Fortune is constantly spinning, always something new in the horizon, we never get a rest from fearing what may lie around the corner. When things are going well in our lives, we always fear what may happen next to ruin our current state of peace. When things are bad, we fear this stage may last long and cause continuous discomfort and pain. There is a way out of this constant fear of 'what may come next' and it's found in confronting it head-on. 

     Planning for races, long races especially, brings such a sense of awe and fear that it almost takes my breath away every time I think about the enormity of the challenge. I just signed up for my first 50 miler and I have NO idea how I will ever get this done. I know I can, with proper training and the proper mental game all is possible, yet, still, I cannot fathom YET all it would take to cross that line; it's a terrifying thought. 

      One interesting thing about fear though is that once you have faced the fear and defeated it, you know it is possible and no matter how big the next challenge is you now know it is possible to defeat fear. My daughter did gymnastics for some time and when it came time to do her first ever performance in front of a crowd she froze. She told me in very dramatic fashion that she could not, would not, do it. I told her that no matter what she needed to do it, that only in seeing it through would she ever feel right and that if she caved now she would forever cave at all challenges. Sure enough she did it and from that challenge forward she knew the fear was a mere facade; she knew from that day forward now to believe the fear, but to face it and only in facing it, would the anxiety surrounding it go away. 
          

4am committments

                4:00am wake ups....They have been tough to commit to this week, especially. I am an elementary school teacher and this past Monday the kids came back to school from summer vacation.  Twice I chose to stay in bed (caved) and did the mental gymnastics while in bed, cuddled up to my partner pillow, as I lay fully awake, trying to maneuver the day at hand and see where else I can possibly fit today's training, if not this morning. What happens after is even more torturous than being yanked out of a warm, cozy bed at 4am. The consequence, if you may, is a day-long bout of pure guilt that lasts all day long, not to mention loss of sunny disposition I normally carry when I do get that workout done. 
            Today while reading the latest copy of UltraRunning (Sept. 2016 edition) there is this article titled The 4:30am rule. One line stuck out to me,

            "If you have no choice, anything is possible. When the alarm goes off at 4:30am., literally or figuratively, get up and take action. You committed ahead of time, and whether or not you feel like doing it in the moment doesn't really matter if you're working towards something aligned with your higher purposes in life. 4:30am moments happen all the time, and the more you follow through on previous commitments when push comes to shove, the easier it becomes to do it regularly."

Speed miles hoorah!!

      I have been super worried about the 14minute/mile restriction on the Marine Corps Marathon; I do not want to be pulled off the course and be unable to finish the race. The last ling run I did my average was pretty slow. I asked the runners on the Women's Running Network on Facebook and got several good suggestions, most of them had to do with doing either speed drills or hill work. Yesterday, when my lungs were all stuffed up, I sped walked uphill on the treadmill for 4 miles. Today, I ran 6 and the last two were finished in 18 minutes! Not sure how accurate the miles on a treadmill are, but I was smokin'.....it was one of those runs that felt absolutely effortless. 

I treated myself to a few figs after my run....only a few. They are way sweet....you can't really have too many. 

I have been experimenting with putting more greens in my juices.....this one has peppers, bok choi, celery....and for sweetness carrots and one beet. It was a bit too bitter so I blended the whole thing with one banana. 

      Not sure when I will have time to read now that school is starting up again....but I cannot wait to dig into it tonight. I wish I was one of those people who could read while running on the treadmill....since I cannot possibly pull that off without losing my balance, falling and breaking my neck, I choose to listen to comedians. Today I enjoyed Jim Norton.....anyone who can make me laugh through the drudgery of the first few miles is worth listening to....of course, for me to like him he's got to be super crude and boarding inappropriate.