The weekly long run, the battle between mind and body

Mind and the body.... who is in control?
The morning of a long run the body is screaming, 
"I cannot do this, let's just go back to bed and curl up and sleep."
The last hour of a long run my mind is triumphantly celebrating having proved the body wrong. 
Tomorrow I am hoping for it to be such a day...
I have 18 miles planned and who knows how this will get done but all arrangements will be made to get this in motion. 

16 miles completed.....and a PR...

                   
            Today was one of those mind-over-matter days. I woke up at 4:30am to do my 16....it was cold and rainy.......I hate hot, but I despise cold even more....but it gave me a chance to wear my Pistol Ultra hoodie....finally! While over two years ago I ran a 20-miler in the cold cold rain, I did not feel like it today. I decided not to dwell on this sad fact about my aging body and kept on getting ready. I had charged my iPad overnight and had packed my gym bag with salt tablets, GU, take, scissors, extra clothes, vaseline....I was going to do this at the gym while watching Ozark, a new series I am obsessed about. Nothing in me wanted to do this....and even more pressing, nothing in me believed this was possible......Hour one went by...I did fine, took a bathroom break, had a salt tablet and back at it. I returned to my treadmill and an older guy planted himself on the machine right next to me. Oh boy, this was going to be interesting. At 5am the gym had about 30 empty treadmills and this guy is right up my ass. I ignored and continued. He interrupted me three times to tell me how well lI was doing and once to ask me if I was training for the olympics.... I hate compliments and I did not know how to take his mixed bag of compliments. The olympics compliment made me feel nice, but to repeat 5 times, "you are doing very well" was both creepy and totally confusing. Had to idea what to think. I chose to imagine that he may be not quite there. That made me refocus and continue. At mile 8 he got off and again complimented me but I was so happy he was leaving. At mile 12 I was glowing and my iPad ran out of juice. I switched to music and ran strong until mile 16...I was wearing a huge smile on my face! The deed was D.O.N.E. Got off, stretched and went home to regular life....

14 baby!!!

Completed 14 today....I have two 14s planned in a row so hoping next week's 14 is much nicer. I am planning to go to the beach so I will have to figure out a plan that most likely includes running them all in a gym, for safety, seeing as I do not know the place. 



I come home and little momma is cooking up a storm. I decided to make some juice. Ginger, cabbage, beet, carrots, peppers and dandelion; keeping me 7 years sick free so far. 





and here is my juice....I love these containers....they do not leak and you can carry your juice in your purse!



Dinner was shrimp tacos.....with rice and grilled veggies.....

new flower in the garden


Oh and I scheduled a tattoo.... it's going to be a lot like this one....but of dahlias. 


Took a hike with little momma the next day and it was right after it had rained...the entire forrest was lush, smelled amazing, and we happen to be the only ones there. 







Burke Lake trail has a ton of these physical challenges stations....

....and of course, our dog Brad came along. 



My daughter wanted a second set of earrings and both my hubby and I agreed. We went to a place in Arlington called Craig Pokes You. We had Blake pierce her and he was absolutely great! 


More flowers in the garden 









Me leaving the gym at midnight.... working moms have to do what working moms have to do. 

Struggles on the path....

           I have been struggling lately....not the kind of struggling you can see really. People like me never really visibly display their actual real struggles....if you know me, I can ask you, "when was the last time I really needed you to bring me up?" exactly, "never."..... But the struggle is there, incessant, always whispering, always this weight, looming above me. The struggle is a lagging sense of stagnant energy. It creates anxiety, restlessness, general crankiness. Running, thankfully, alleviates it but if two, three days go by and I don't run the negative feeling always creeps in, without fail. 

            Being in nature is one of the few antidotes that pulls back the curtains and allows some positivity to come through again. Also, cooking, watching movies, and listening to others' new and innovative ideas, etc...all give me a sense of purpose and a renewed sense of hope. Anything that manages to get me out of my own head helps me gets past it. But at the bottom of it all the main cause is always this fight I have with my body....If ever in your life you have not been under control of what happens to your body you develop a disconnect with it, I believe a lot of my body issues stem form these past experiences where I did not have control of my body and what happened to it. This struggle, it's been such a longstanding fight now that I don't care to hear one more advice, I don't care to follow anyone's brilliant success stories, but I also I don't want to have this struggle with my body anymore and frankly I am at a loss. 

             I know my motto is "never give up" but 100% of me is having a hard time maintaining this beacon statement of positivity ...right now, I am feeling like giving up running and giving up my big dreams... They feel heavy, burdensome, annoying even. I share this on here not to seek help; this is not something anyone can really help me with anyway, this is something I know I must tackle on my own and I know I can and I will....I share this on here because I know this is not a struggle I alone experience. Everyone around me has these struggles and they too hardly show them to the world. 

               As far as answers to a way out, right now, as things stand, I have zero answers except for the idea of 'withdrawal'. Withdrawal seems to be the only solution that gives me solace at the moment so that is what I will do until a better answer pops up in my head. I will withdraw....how this withdrawal looks, again, might be completely imperceptible to all my friends and family, but I will know it ad that is what matters. Like all other strong waves of sadnesses that have come to pass through me in the past, I am trusting this one will also come to pass and I will again feel fine in its wake...Most importantly, based on past knowledge, I choose not to fight it. It is what it is....no opinions, no fights, no drama, no weaving of narratives to make it more or less than it is, no pushing away of, just pure acceptance. 

Worst long run

          The plan was 13.1 miles on the Jones Beach Bikeway off of Cedar Creek Park at 6am, instead it turned out to be 12 miles at 7am which only 7 were running miles and 5 were walking, but sometimes you have to readjust your goals depending on he circumstances. 

             I did not happen to look at the weather report that day. Normally I do, yet, this time around I had assumed it would be cook enough. I woke up and seeing as I'm staying at my mom's house we got to talking as I drank up her jet black coffee. We talked for an hour and finally got to the trailhead at 7am. I followed a 4:1 run:walk ratio for 7 miles. The path was cool but full of bugs, my compression shorts tore at my inner thigh and I was bitten by sand flies every time I slowed down. At first it was cool, then I was in full sunlight all the way to the beach. Once at the beach (mile 5), I found a bathroom and repaired my shorts with a safety pin I happened to have on my hydration vest, lubes up my inner upper arms where I tend to chafe and took off my top, wet it, wet my cap and continued on my way. 10 minutes later my top and hat were again bone dry and I could not get cook enough. 

         At mile 7 my body could not get cool enough and I chose to walk until I could get cool enough to run again. I felt bad for walking for about half a mile until I noticed that even walking would be a challenge in this heat. I began to feel dizzy; even walking I could not get cool enough. I finished off my last salt pill and noticed I may not have packed enough, I needed far more than 3 pills with the amount of sweating I was doing. 

                I was never happier to see the end of a bike path as I was during this run. Got to my car, stretched, drove home and started my day. Despite not having met my initial goal I felt like a superstar. I ran in 87 degree weather, with a humidity of 70% and did good time for the time I did run. Most importantly, I did not give up. I also figured all this training will come in handy somewhere. 

          

This is the path on the Jones Beach Bikeway off of Cedar Creek Park 


almost done!


Loved seeing this patch of grass growing through the pavement. 


almost a surreal view....bee on flower.....

6 miles around the lake

         
         I guess I have just gotten use to feeling super inadequate at this running thing. But thanks to my mantra, "don't ever give up." I have paid very little attention to how shitty I feel about my running.  I woke up at 5:30am and dragged my body out of bed, had coffee and used every mental tactic in the book to get my ass out the door. Once I am out though, everything changes. This other person emerges, a more confident, happy, driven person. So no matter how I feel when I wake up, having done this process many, many, many times over I know that the better me will for sure emerge once I get moving. I trust the process so much that I don't question any part of the struggle any more. I did not see another runner for almost 4 miles into the run....which always gives me an even a bigger boost.... who else is crazy enough to run on this gravelly mess of a trail. My ankles have become much stronger and can now handle more of the uneven terrain. 

   
These sneakers.... in case you can't see there is blue stitching on both sides. I have had to sew them....I say they have about another year and a half of running in them... I have probably already run 3 marathons and a 50 miler in them, but they are so damn comfy. You see, when you wear you shoes evenly, your sneakers become like those minimalist shoes, and your feet get stronger and more use to running with less and less padding. It's a great natural way to becoming more minimalist without the injuries often associated with minimalist running. 


Felt good today and chose to pick up all types of trash left by losers on the trail....here, two people sat and enjoyed the beautiful lake as they are, then left their crap behind.... 





Came back home to discover that my dahlias were finally blooming. They had all died last year. I had dug them out and stored them in a paper bag until to find them all dried out completely over the winter, so I had to buy all new bulbs....so here are my new babies.... I will not be digging them out this year, instead, I will leave them in the ground and hope they do not freeze in the winter. 

20 miler from 12am-5am, Oh, and on a work night

           I completed 20 miles before 5:30am today.... on a work night, no less. Yup, that is what you do if you are a full-time working mom and are attempting to train for a 50-miler, but don't want to miss out on time with kids and hubby on the weekend. I did rest a lot this weekend in anticipation of the little sleep I would get due to this long run, and it's Monday and I have slept a total of zero hours and I am so far feeling okay, thanks to coffee. I don't think I could do an 8 miler tonight, as originally planned, but I will certainly do an 8 tomorrow, maybe even tomorrow morning, to simulate running on "tired legs". I was proud to have very little chafing this time. I got waterproof KT tape, which costs a mint, and had my hubby help me tape up my back bra line, it was easy for him to find where to place the tape for only a week ago I go bad chafing there and it was just scabbing over. Next week, I will attempt a 30-miler and no mater how that goes I will walk away feeling prepared having run a respectable peak distance for my race. 

Nothing beats strong

8 miles before 6am baby..
Nothing beats strong...

Beautiful Life----

                         My physical therapist was very interested in my running and asked several questions not usual for doctors, but he was very friendly so I obliged. The two questions I remember were, "Do you get obsessed with things a lot?" and "Do you kids have the same level of energy as you do?". Oh, and I just remember one more, "What does your husband think of all your running." Each question was answered clearly, but each question revealed more about him than me. The more I get into my world of running the more I forget how much a visual disconnect my presentation must be to a casual observer. Here I am, a middle-aged woman with some extra weight on her claiming she ran for 8 hours, while injured with an upper back injury no less. I have long ago dropped the wonderings of whether or not I am believed so it took a bit to fully grasp why all the questions. I answered each question with a smile and quiet joy. 

               Today I covered 16 miles. I have decided to do another 16 miles tomorrow night in order to do a back-to-back run. I felt very stiff before the run, warmed up by mile 3 and at mile 13 I was so excited to almost be done that I ran faster than the first 12 miles. Next week I will try two 20's in a row and one more weeks of that and I will be ready for this 50.....at least mentally I will be ready. 

                I heard an Oprah interview with Amy Purdy and my life changed. A few takeaways from the interview that will stay with me forever. When she clinically died the Spirit told her to not be afraid and that it will all make sense in the end. I have been through a lot in my life and these two messages make me fear future tribulations less, but also make me think that all I've been through is part of the bigger picture. A lot of learning lately it seems. I have also been reading Maya Angelou's last published book, Mom & Me and Mom. As the author has shown in her story, LOVE is the most powerful energy we have. Love can make anything possible; all one has to do is read her life story to know just how powerful and life-changing LOVE has been in her life. 

                 

                  Right now I am listening to an library-borrowed audiobook of Tom Sawyer. Both children fully enjoying the story and it tickles me to see them chuckle loudly at parts of the story. 

You are going nowhere without your mental game

                        I have been doing lots of research lately about what it takes to run and complete a 50 mile race. One consistent message I keep getting is that you should be running/walking at least 6/8 hours on your long run days for at least 2-3 long runs before the race. 
                        I am visiting my mom for the holiday and her husband, Marcelo, works in construction. On a -4 degree day he came home after work and reported that he'd worked outdoors the entire day and for the whole time he was performing some heavy duty labor. Immediately my mind goes to endurance. This 50+ year old man just came home from a 7-8 hour physically demanding workday and although he looked exhausted one can ask how is this different from a 5-6 hour training run? There is no difference. Equally, a few months back we hired four tree cutters to cut down a tree in our back yard and within 6 hours they had not only cut the tree down but they left no trace of it in and around our property. They did this with very little use of machines. Each worker drug out giant pieces of tree out to a truck on their backs. 

                         So not only do these two examples above illustrate that human endurance is something more prevalent in our community and that we all have come close contact with endurance in some form in our lives and not necessarily related to sports. Yet, what makes this fact even more fascinating is the mental aspect involved in endurance. Here are a few things I have learned so far about the mental aspects involved with endurance. 

* Your thoughts, and your thoughts alone, decide what is difficult and what is doable. Which explains why some days a 3-mile run can seem super tough and on another day it's seen as a breeze. 

* The minute you sign up for a race you are planting a seed in your own brain that this is possible. The very act of signing up for any race and planning other logistics around it, such as flight, hotel, etc... is an act of self-convincing. 

* Your body will meet your mind. Dream big baby! Of course you have to put in the work to train for any given endurance event, whether it's your job or a race. Yet, your body is absolutely able to grow to the dream your dream for it. Nothing is impossible. 
           
                          


                          

20 miler while on Vacation

           I was in Long Island, New York with my family, staying at my mom's for Thanksgiving. It was also my weekend for a 20-miler. in preparation for the Rehoboth Beach Marathon next week (and no, I no longer taper two weeks anymore, but that is another whole post). Now, after having done several marathons the 20-miler takes on a much less scary feel, yet, I was a little bit stressed about going to the Planet Fitness by my mom's, they inconveniently have their bathrooms downstairs, a whole flight away from the treadmills and time is always an issue if you are a mom runner, every minute counts. 

           I set the alarm for 3:30am Saturday morning and got up, made coffee, and just out of curiosity decided to make sure that the Planet Fitness I belong to was indeed a 24 hr gym, as it is near my home. Turns out it's NOT!!!!! So, I not only got up, lubes up, tapes myself up, got all dressed, etc but also my poor mom got up with me and was chatting with me, keeping me company, so I felt extra guilty having woken her up and now the gym is not open until, what....7am!? I entertained for a split second going back to bed, in the end, that IS what my body really wanted after all, but before that thought took root, I quickly asked Siri on my iPhone for a list of all the 24 hr. gyms in my area and this place Synergy in Baldwin, NY pops up. I called them and blurt out if I could possibly come in and just try out the gym. I was too tired to make up some story and frankly I always get better results being totally honest. The male voice on the other end of the line said, "sure, just come in now." I drive up and it does not have the feel of a big gym, I start to drive away but again, no, I realized this might just work. I park, go in, and a young friendly man neither asks questions or for an ID and lets me come in. I was happy surprised to see that the treadmills were not only RIGHT NEXT to the bathrooms bu they were facing outwards towards the people and my ass would be facing the wall.....just a thing I believe most woman think about....the Feng Shui was right. I ran for 5 hours, took a few bathroom breaks, took 1 salt pill every hour and had 1 tablespoon total of the peanut butter I brought to replace GU. I am sitting here writing a day later and I am so glad I got this done. At any moment that day I could have convinced myself that I'd do it later and easily quit and gone to bed. 

               My legs felt strong and fresh, my lungs breathed smoothly and easy and my heart felt just fine. I felt I could have easily run another 6  miles that day (had I had to that is). I know I am ready for this marathon next weekend. The run was so easy, in fact, that I think to prepare for my 50-miler in march I will run a 20 every Saturday and in addition,  one Sundays maybe begin running a few extra miles (very slowly), then of course my usual few small runs during the work week. Whatever this training plan will be, I know it's going to fit my body....I just need to work on the miles numbers a bit more. In the meantime, after my marathon next week I plan to run a 20 the next weekend as well. By then, I should already have my 3 month plan figured out. No matter what it's going to be the plan will include less running than most plans dictate. As an older runner, I know for a fact that I personally do a lot better on less miles than on excessive amounts in one week.

me after the 20!!! yes!!! did it.

Just getting it done, period

              This past weekend was a holiday weekend and I had 16 miles planned for yesterday, Sunday but my body said, "NO way". Now being 3 weeks away from marathon #9 I could not just NOT run! So I slept in, had a nice morning making myself new earrings, sipping coffee with my hubby and listening to him respond to every cool article he came across in the paper. The morning was glorious. After my kids sent off to bed I left the house and drove 5 minutes to the 24-hour gym I am a member of and ran for 4 hours until 1am. While running, I watched 3 or 4 episodes of Project Runway season 9 and then the newest episode of Walking Dead, which was heartbreaking and thank God it was hreathbreaking, cause it kept me awake and kept me from thinking how tired I was. I ran out of Gu  at home except for one yucky flavor and lost all my salt pills for some odd reason but had enough salt pills in a pill box I used for the last marathon, so I used those. So yes, I ran 4 hours and had 3 bottles of water, 4 salt pills total and only 1 yucky Gu. The gym has unlimited 10-minute hydro massage which I took full advantage of right after finishing and boy was it pure heaven....one can adjust the settings so I basically got a 10 minute bum massage, heaven!! 

                 I got home at 1:30am and made myself a quick and COLD burrito roll with cheese, chicken, and cream cheese, I know, disgusting. But it hit the spot. I took a hot, hot shower and was happy to learn that I had minimal chafing thanks to the KT take I had my 10-year old apply earlier in the night, she's a pro at applying this stuff, you'd think she's a PT. I put on a huge sweatshirt and placed a towel over my pillow and went to bed and slept with a huge smile on my face. I did it. By not making it such a huge thing in my head I managed to do something that if thought over too much would certainly seem crazy. By the end of the night I had burned 1,240 calories and I did not quite know how to put that into my MyFitnessPal app, a calorie/nutrition app I use to monitor what I eat. I chose to just give Sunday 3 hours and Monday 1 hour. The way MyFitnessPal works is that it gives back to you the calories you burned as allowance for more food. I felt this was a good solution for it only gave me 310 calories extra for the next day and the allowance for the Sunday I could not really use up seeing as all I wanted to do was go to bed. 

Running as refuge

           Getting ready for a long run requires a lot of calculations. First, you get all the variables, how fast you think you can run, how many miles, when is sunrise, how many of those miles will begin at the gym on the treadmill and how many on the trails, and which trails, when am I needed back at home, the temperature tomorrow. I am very much looking forward to my 18 miler in the morning. Four and half hours of me time....heaven. 

            Yet, planning all this is tough enough with all other activities that come with being a mom to a 12 and a 10-year-old. Four our of 5 weekdays we have some form of evening event after work. Then, on top of that add on my current severe downs that I have been experiencing lately. I am not sure if my downs are due to hormonal changes in my aging body or just maybe tiredness from work, maybe, just maybe it's the news of all these natural disasters and the sadness that come with that news.  No matter what it is, it has been very tough dealing with these downs and luckily running helps get me back on track... somewhat. 

             It's not only the act of running and the exercise and the exhaustion that helps me get back on track either. Running gives me a sense of self-dependence that I desperately need right now. Trust and lack thereof has been a huge issue this year, on so many levels. Erratic behavior in others has made me withdraw and increased my need to depend only on myself more and more.  I could definitively say at this point I feel most at peace when I am alone. I am aware that I am taking a sabbatical from a lot but for now I am quite comfortable here. Not sure if running is helping or hindering me, but at this moment I am going to follow only my comfort level, like I would a compass. Currently, my personal sense of personal comfort is the only barometer in which I blindly trust. This is huge. For someone like myself who has spent an enormous chunk of her adult life being there for others, right now, I am unable to do be that person, yet, for the first time, I am allowing myself not to feel guilty, which feels very nice to not have that pressure....deep in me I must know my limits well and I know that right now, I just simply can only bear to carry myself and those immediately in my care. 

               Therefore, Sundays are reset days. On Sundays I let out my adventurous self out and for 3 to 5 hours I get to only take care of my own needs and not have to negotiate levels of care for anyone but me. Like a mom caring for an infant, on my long runs I baby myself. If tired, I take a GU, if thirsty I drink, if chafing, I apply vaseline and so on. Running is my refuge for now, more than ever, and despite my occasional stints with my downs I am able to stay on top of it thanks to the deep level of self-sufficiency and strength this sport gives me every time I lace up my sneakers. I am feeling so lucky to have a trusty tool that can help me save my own life and sanity, day after day. 

35 days to marathon #8

17 miles completed by 8:15am!!! What do you do when you're a mom and your son has a baseball tournament you cannot and do not want to miss in Fredericksburg at 11am BUT you also have to do a long run that day? You wake at 3am of course! #readyforsomebaseball 

42 days to go!!

             I have a small foot injury and needed to complete 16 miles today. I have been nursing my foot with rest from running and just doing the elliptical for the same milage during the week. Today, I ran 5 miles on the treadmill before the sun came up and finished the rest, 11 miles on the Mt. Vernon Trails. 

         The trails were just gorgeous.....a beautiful day....67 and sunny....and in the early morning it was even fresher and a bit cool. 

What I love about these trails is that they are paved and for about 90% of it you are completely alone...In nature. 

I was jealous of all these amazing homes placed right on the Potomac River. 

There was a race going on.....Below I places some more info on this race....hey, I might want to do this next year. 

Enjoy this unique experience and run a 5k or 10k and finish on the historic grounds of George Washington's Mount Vernon. Race registration provides admission to George Washington's Mount Vernon, which includes an opportunity to tour the Mansion, grounds and Donald W. Reynolds Museum & Education Center. 

Spectators will be required to purchase an admission ticket to gain entry to the estate and finish festival area. These admission tickets are available for a discounted rate on Mount Vernon's website until September 9, 2017. Your race registration confirmation email will also contain the link to purchase discounted admission tickets. 

Spectators may purchase admission tickets the day of the race but only at regular admission price.

5k & 10k Information
Start time: 8:00 am
Price: $50 Race Fee + $3 SignUp Fee

Me, the way I look when I am stretching my legs at halfway. 

The Potomac...

Cross a few bushes and you're right at the water. 

Yes!! done......16 miles baby!!!.....My last two runs had really bought my confidence down to its knees....this was quite a nice run...felt strong and confident. 

Still sweating, half an hour later driving home. 

My post on FB....