Hidden strengths

              I have always known myself to have good instincts. I can pick up when people don't like me, or when someone is attracted to me or even intimidated by me. I can sense it when someone wants more from an interaction, is disappointed or even angry underneath, regardless of their smile or their poker face. What I did not know though, until this week, is how come I am this way. I've always thought it was just something I was born with. Just this week it occurred to me, quite suddenly doing one of my walks, that I have always had to rely on myself and myself, alone, to know how to read any given situation. In fact, for most of my adolescent and adult life the huge decisions I made concerning my life, since age 9, I have done alone. No adult conversations, no guidance counselor, no coach, no teacher.....me, alone. My mother, who I love very, very much, and whom I do not fault for any of this, was of the generation that did not talk about much...period. Additionally, she worked long hours only to then face an almost hour and half commute each way daily. Growing up and I was left to my own devices, from a very young age and only when I had my own kids did I realize how alone this alone really was, for I could not imagine ever being that distant from my own kids. Again, not blaming anyone here, but truth is the truth and it was what it was. At my age, I refuse to lie to make things more palatable and being absolutely real is part of this middle-age mind shift. 

        But what a surprise to come to my mid 40's and see that what I regarded for so long as a misfortune ends up being one of THE most valuable assets, and what an amazingly useful asset it is. Without effort, I can feel people's vulnerabilities. I have friends that whom I can immediately tell when they are not okay. I walk into rooms full of people and feel the energy and use that to help me navigate the space. I have listened to this voice and this voice alone now for so long no that I trust it before any other. For example, when someone may be emotionally volatile; my whole body will feel tense in their presence. 

No doubt LOTS of people have these same gifts, in fact, I feel everyone has these gifts buried in them. In my case, my life circumstances have helped make these instincts razor sharp. That, combined with trusting one's instincts have come to reinforce these gifts. I never thought I'd be thankful for a tough upbringing.