What's your story?

             We all do it at some point in our lives, or maybe not. On second thought, some don't, ever! I'm talking about rebuilding ourselves, taking ourselves apart from the way our parents built us, from our pasts and rebuilding ourselves the way our true souls dictate.  Absolute honesty is required for such an endeavor. You see, once you stop telling your story, you notice how most people exist, breathe, depend on their story to feel right. When I say 'stop telling a story' I mean any story we tell ourselves about ourselves to neatly iron away the why's and the hows. Believe it or not we all spend an enormous amount of time on our stories, we neatly, tuck away and package and re-packege the why's so that everything looks right to the observer, so even the embarrassing parts of our story do not embarrass us or make us look a certain undesirable way. The funny part is that people who really love us for the people we are love us despite of our stories. The reason why the narrative about our stories matter is that depending on how we tell it, it defines our every one of our actions. 
         Now back to rebuilding ourselves. Rebuilding ourselves is nothing more than the retelling of our stories without blame, without a second third or fourth character, and without the ego. Let me use a situation to explain this better. My daughter had a very tight-knit plan for her summer, she drew out an intricate schedule and was determined to account for every hour, etc. I was way too busy finishing up school that week so I did not really pay attention to the intensity of this schedule. Day one of summer vacation came and she failed to get up at 5am as she had planned and not only does she cry about this for half an hour but she also blames me for not getting up and going with her at the time she had determined. Immediately, I had to set her straight. I explained that her plan for her improvement cannot ever include anyone else. Yes, you can get assistance, but you cannot depend all the time on an external entity for your workouts. Retell the story of your exercise routine without the dependence on another to walk you through the process and you will have a lot more success overall. 
                 One technique I have used for helping me retell my story right has been not using mirrors. I know, sounds crazy, right?. But let me explain. As women we have all grown up with the idea of how we are seen, how we are perceived. Adults in our lives surely were no help here. I think the last time I felt truly free of this was at age 7. I was running around topless playing with the boys. It ended that day because my grandma, without meaning to, made me feel self-conscious of what others may think. To most women, mirrors exist to remind us about how we look to others. In avoiding them, and not obsessively, one gets to start taking seat again, inside oneself. I want the way I move, walk, sit, talk to represent the person I am inside, no filters, no softening, no cute-fying, none of those extra "softeners" we females tend to add on to the ways we act so that others may like us more. In avoiding the messages I get from the outer world I hope to better connect with me, the imperfect, unrehearsed and genuine me. 
               So now that I feel I have slowly rebuilt myself, who is this imperfect, unrehearsed and genuine Miriam? Here you go. I tried my best to represent myself in one paragraph. I am proudly self-dependent. You will rarely hear me complaining and whining, and if you do, not for long. I have a knack for spotting assholes a mile away, yet, I still strongly believe most humans to be amazing and inspiring; everybody you meet has an awe-inspiring story, just like me. I love, love, love a good challenge and I play to win. I find jealously to be one of the most vile characteristics and work hard to never go there. I am drawn to stories of human will and actively seek them out weekly to keep me inspired.  My imagination is my highest form of entertainment; I am absolutely NEVER bored, ever.  I love being by myself and with people equally. I trust 100% in people's ability to fix themselves. Yes, of course, we can all support each other, but ultimately, one has got to want something enough to make a change, key words here being, "want" and "one".  Life is too short for drama, small talk, gossip, stupid pleasantries and long-drawn-out grudges. I am quick to argue but also quick to forgive and genuinely apologize when I've wronged. 
           So there, that is me, in a paragraph... I have built this me on my own, through lots of trials and tribulations. You begin by questioning your upbringing, questioning your default story and making sure it's all genuine to all parts of you. Your story should allow you to exhale, loosen up, relax and generally be happy, at best, content. I still have tons of work to do, but if you feel less resistance, less stress, less drama in your life, that should be a sign that your new path is working for you. My final aim is carrying a story of no story. Shedding all my identifiers and my baggage daily and simply being me, clear and weightless in every interaction, every decision.