what these old sneakers have taught me

           

         Every time I tell anyone how old my running sneakers are the first thing they tell me is how dangerous it is to not buy new sneakers every 6 months or change them every 300-400 miles, or how my knees will come apart under me....blah, blah, blah. But I've had these now for years...yes, you read correctly....years. I've run 2, maybe three marathons in them (plus the training) and they are the most comfortable sneakers ever. So until my body tells me different, or the soles fall apart, I am running in these some more, period. 

               Reflecting on my sneakers and my experience with people in relation to them has made me realize an important lesson. The lesson is that people cannot make you feel embarrassed about anything, unless you allow it. You see, I am not a single bit embarrassed about wearing old, torn sneakers, they are comfortable, my feet don't hurt in them and they dry almost immediately when they become wet. Yet, most people that notice them will often immediately feel embarrassed....for me. Because my feelings towards my shoes and feet are so wrapped up in my primary focus, comfort and painlessness, I hardly ever entertain these comments. I realized only after several such incidents that I could utilize this newfound wisdom in other parts of my life. 

                 I think what I am getting at here is a growing ability to disconnect and question what society says is okay, acceptable, and normal and instead asking myself what's feels okay, acceptable and normal and going with that primarily........The more we disconnect from these societal weights, if you may, the lighter we feel. A good example of this for women is society's definition of a what it means to be a lady or society's definition of what female sexuality is all about, or what a marriage should look like or even what it means to be an older woman. As I grow into an older, wiser version of myself I begin to question all these very traditional ideas and labels made for women (and men) and I find them too heavy to carry into my new me. For example, I've learned that the word "lady", for example, carries too many hidden strings and directives, so I do not ever aim to be one. I've learned that female sexuality does not need anyone else there to unleash its power, it stands on its own too. Marriage too has been heavily defined by society causing all sort of conflicts and suffering between what reality is and what one has learned marriage should be. Last, I have learned that I am just getting started on this journey....Others' understanding of where we are and what we do with the short time we have here must never be guiding posts or maps for our own future.