The one constant...

           I have never had a doctor tell me I suffer from depression but I know I have a recurring case of sadness in me that comes in strong waves a few times a year. Perhaps others around me reach this type of indescribably low levels of contentment too and maybe just don't show it. Perhaps, even all of us go through this but keep it to ourselves and deal with it privately. Whatever it may be, I do know that when these waves of sadness present themselves in me they overshadow everything, absolutely everything. Like a thick, dark fog, all positive accomplishments in my life, my loving husband, my two amazing kids, my exciting career, they all seem wiped clean and the feeling of being trapped settles in every crevice, every thought, every act. 
         Thankfully, running has been the ONE constant, the one source of balance in my life and as long as my legs are working I know I will be fine. I wish I could explain how or why running helps with depression, but all I know is that it helps. I am going through one of these such moments right now and despite the lack of positive feelings the one task I know, without question, I MUST do is hit the gym, sweat.....run....run hard. Today, because we had to travel back home to Virginia from NY I could only squeeze in a fast 5K before packing the car. Now, I would have preferred to do five miles, but 3 did the job. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a key, a key to help me get out of my own head, a key to free me from this relentless shadow which seems to always be lurking, threatening to show itself unexpectedly.