Monday, December 24, 2018

Assumptions as walls

       If there is one thing I learned this year it's that assumptions are walls. Assumptions make us blind to what's right before us and it usurps and numbs down our most helpful communication tool, the instinct. Instinct being that very thing that helps us clearly see all that's happening, in 3D, if you may. When we have our instincts fully on, we are paying attention 100% and then some and are able to grasp fully the whole interaction with the other. 

        We often turn to assumptions because they become a convenient way to live life on automatic. There are many reasons assumptions are more convenient; could be that we are in a fast paced world, perhaps, we want to be right and avoid the discomfort of being wrong at all costs, but most importantly, maybe it keeps us from feeling pain or fear, and out of control. When we assume, we don't have to check in, for "we already know", we don't need to ask why, "we already know", we don't have to talk,  we "already know how it'll all go." With assuming, "the other" is this fake virtual other we create that very much resembles the genuine other, with the exception that it's NOT the genuine other. Author, Byron Katie suggests quiet listening as an antidote to assuming, but she suggests the type of listening where one stops participating in the conversation altogether as a way to draw others to open, but also to convince the listener of how much mental noise has been clouding us all along. She likens true listening to a gift you give the other, the gift comes in the form of allowing the "other" to listen to his own thoughts as they leave his lips; in allowing the other to work the correct thoughts out as he speaks, for sometimes we ourselves don't know exactly what will leave out lips before we say it . Therefore, being allowed to express our thoughts is, in fact, a gift. 

           Running has allowed me to fight our instinctual bent towards making assumptions. In order to avoid injury one has to put assumptions aside and really listen to one's body. With every stress, every discomfort in by body I am always seeking THE genuine source; assuming the source may only lead to more pain, maybe injury, so finding the genuine cause to all things inside my body is essential to bringing pain to an end. In general life too, seeking the genuine cause for all things, and not mere assumptions, will always lead the the end of our pain as well.        

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Caring vs. Love.... 2018 lesson

I have learned this year that I now feel differently about caring. I have learned that caring often references bits of attachment and control, that it carries expectations, weight, and intensity I don't need in my life and that real love is much, much simpler, much lighter, yet, deeper. 

I have learned this year that once I stopped feeling responsible for others' feelings and no longer "cared" about this, I really started loving the person; just loving whomever exactly as he (or she) is, no matter what he/she does or not do. 

I have learned that caring is a story and love is the complete absence of a story. Truly loving someone is being present with the other.

This year, I have learned to welcome when people realize that they don't belong in my life and have the good sense to go away and that I have been spared. I learned that people leave our lives when they no longer match us and to consider it a positive sign.

I have learned that when you unfriended a person that it doesn't mean he/she is wrong, but that it feels wrong with me to stay in touch. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

What's your worth? (in a relationship)

                Been thinking a lot about one's worth lately, particularly worth as it relates to relationships. On any given run, this topic comes circling around in my head. Running does that to you, you know. Amazing, innovative and brilliant ideas flood my head and this is one of them.       
                 There are relationships where someone might get too comfortable, so comfortable in fact, that they feel they get to define your worth to you, like some prescription. That is never, never good. But how do you know you're in one of those types of relationships, for sometimes, it's not that obvious? Well, keep reading. 

                 I have had many relationships over the years, friendships and amorous ones, and none are as toxic as ones in which your worth is refined to you by a friend or partner. This might be done in a subtle way, like when your friend (or partner) glosses over things that matter to you,  or, it may be done in a more direct manner, like when your friend or partner defines to you who "you are" as if it were fact. Nevertheless, worthiness is a real thing. People make major decisions on relationships based on these ideas of what they and you are worth. 
                 Like the topic of worthiness, similar to topic of "level of intensity" in a relationship, is something we all navigate around when choosing friends or partners, yet both rarely do they get defined as the essential aspects that they are. Worthiness always comes into play in our relationship decision-making, whether we are aware of it or not.  For example, if we have a tendency to be intimidated by someone who we consider, "together" and at the "top of their game", we might instead choose friends or partners whose default setting is constant dependency. Worthiness comes into play here because in order to have this relationship function the dependent/caretaker balance must be maintained just as it began for the relationship to continue. Meaning, the dysfunctional aspect of the relationship by which the relationship was founded on is the very lifeline that keeps it going. Quite opposite, when worthiness levels are more equal, instead of feeding off of the dependency, we thrive off of something else; we thrive from being surrounded by strong, independent people instead. Being surrounded by people who challenge us, vex us, and whom at times, may even infuriate us, is a sign that we see others as equal in worth to ourselves. I have recently learned that knowing which dynamic you operate is very helpful in determining your level of social-emotional health;  dependency being on one end of the spectrum and allowance of dissent on the other. 

              What's the best way to know which type of relationship you are involved in? You know by testing it. For example, ask for re-hashing of the relationship rules, or ask for a serious conversation around an issue that truly troubles you, or disagree on an important issue to you personally, or strongly express a different  opinion about an issue. People who see you as equal will want you to be who you are and want to find bridges to a middle ground, no matter how different you are. People who see you as equal will not shut you down at the smallest sign of dissent? I am not saying to "dissent" all the time, but something is seriously wrong in a relationship if its become commonplace that any one of the players cannot express discontent without the other defining it as something else or simply dismissing it. The main question therefore is, "Does this person take you seriously? yes? no? ".  In my home 4 out of 5 days you walk into my house you will find my husband and I arguing about 2-3 hot topic issues. The next minute we move on never thinking twice about the others' ability to express discontent, disagreement or dissent. 

Sunday, December 9, 2018

THE ULTIMATE - 2018 Runner's gift buying guide....

Every year I make a gift buying guide for anyone that has a runner in their lives.... basically, these are things I'd love!!! 

1. this company not only gives your your genetic report...but also gives you recommendations for right eating and exercise....I have to admit, this has changed my life. Totally worth every penny. 
 Image result for vitagene

2. For all runners, a must....I never leave home without mine. 
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3. I have to admit...the best present I have EVER gotten has been a gift card to a running store.... total heaven... don't look at it as a cop-out....we runners know how to spend that card.... don't YOU worry!
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4. for your outdoor runner...a must... make sure it has a window and that the window matches the phone size.... 

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5. for your runner who cannot run without extra pair of these have helped me whenever I've lost my "good pair" I singularly use the apple headphones. 

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6. Socks, socks, socks.... don't buy crappy brands... my personal favorite is swiftwick, the thin ones. Get a size up, they shrink a bit. 

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7. If your runner has completed a race....they will never....I repeat, NEVER turn away race gear.... race gear is like the gold standard of any runner's wardrobe.... I can wear my NYC marathon jacket everyday until I am 90....again, worth every penny. 

Image result for new york city marathon 2015 gear

8. Gym bag. Only if they are super cute... I have two and don't need any more... so inquire before buying. 

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9. Now, this is for a runner who has everything already!! it will be a huge hit and it's a gift that keeps on giving...all year... (or for however many months you chose). 
Image result for monthly box runners

10. Runners just cannot turn away from running jewelry...totally cool....Etsy has a ton of these sellers....

Image result for runner jewelry

11. For a health conscious runner....get him Shalane's cookbook...
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12....does your runner have too many medals now and need a new rack? again, search on Etsy.... many cool handmade options there...

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Three things that have helped me improve my fitness

These three things have been helping me tremendously in helping me get more fit....I had been running for 5 years and instead of getting faster I was getting slower, instead of losing weight I was getting bigger.... so here goes my tips for a more fit tomorrow: 

1. LOG what you for the premium membership and log what you eat.... Vitagene (below) gave me my macro percentages and now I can make sure I stay within those recommendations. My recommended macros are 30 percent carbs, 40 percent fat and 30 percent protein and who'd have known that eating more fat would help me lose weight....6 lbs so far in over a week of logging. 

Image result for myfitnesspal.

2. Phil Maffetone's heart rate training has also been quite helpful....the whole idea of running slower to get faster... here is a link to Marathon Training Academy's podcast interview with Dr. Maffetone. it's a great video to get you introduced to his whole plan... also the website ---> is also very helpful. they have a 8-part questionnaire that then spits out these very helpful tips for a healthier lifestyle. 

Image result for phil maffetone

3. Last, but not last- getting my genetics testing through Vitagene has been the BEST gift to myself.... their recombinations are both research based and totally on target.... I feel like this is going to be great year for fitness and health. 

Image result for vitagene

Saturday, December 8, 2018


        Booked my flights to Tennessee for my Pistol Ultra 100K in March of 2019 and another for my 11th marathon which will take place at the New Orleans Marathon in February!! I cannot wait.