Monday, July 30, 2018

Road to emotional independence

           A friend on facebook who has been suicidal since I knew him over 10 years ago has recently been writing lots of concerning posts on his Facebook page. The posts blame his deep depression on his loneliness and then presses his FB friends for answers as to why he is still alone and has no one to love him. After a few weeks of sporadic people, including myself, coming on his page and trying to give him some advice, the responses from his friends began to slow down. We all soon figured out one thing, that no matter what we said, his mind was made up and a made-up mind is a mind that's built a wall around itself, and no amount of reason can reach such a soul. He was so sure that if life would simply provide him with a life partner, his depression would be fixed, just like that. Sadly, from experience, we don't get to bargain with life. If we are unhappy, a partner might mask the pain for a little bit, but it will not make it go away. We can throw the biggest temper tantrum we can muster at not getting our way in life but nothing will change the trajectory of the world outside ourselves. Life's resolve is much more vast than any tantrum we can imagine, an exhausting fight I have taken on many times in my youth. 

            I can list so many things here that I wish would happen for me, but to focus on them would only make me sink into the same depression he's experiencing. For the past 2 months I have been struggling with so much physically and emotionally but to place my mind on such things make them more real, more palpable, and render me stuck in the muck, the muck of depression. Some may consider this approach non-realistic, or liken it to living a lie...yet, it's very simple....with the switch of a thought you can break through your walls of solidified ideas and  breathe hope and faith into every problem. Let me show you with a few examples....

1. I could think: "I wish I had more friends who liked to listen to me chat about running"----- but instead I think, "I have a huge community of women runners on FB of which I can tap into anytime, and besides, this whole thing is your thing anyway....."

2. I could think: "I wish my hubby would know how to buy me gifts for my birthday"----- but instead I think, "He takes such excellent care of me and the kids daily. Not one day goes by in which the fridge is lacking any of the essentials, he always gets me everything I need to the letter."

3. I could think: "I wish my body could run faster"----- but instead I think, "damn, my overweight, 45-year-old body ran 6 miles today and just a few months back I ran a 50 miler under the cutoff ...what the hell are you feeling bad for? snap out of it girl...what other full-time working mom do you know who runs as much as you?"

4. I could think: "I must look super bubbly in this bikini at the beach ----- but instead I think, "Other woman my size are here's so important that they see me be confident and at home in my body...we all must inspire each other. Most importantly, my daughter is here.....she needs to see mommy loving her body, always!". 

                These are just a few examples to show how one has zero control of anything outside our heads. The world is a place full of its own ideas, its own momentum, its own reasoning and it takes no notice of how we would like or want things to go.... it's our job to disconnect from these harmful ways of thinking and begin choosing healthier thought patterns that provide us with the sanity we seek. There are a million things I wish for on a daily basis but I would be a sucker to think those things will come my way by pure luck or wish....if I want anything it's purely up to me to imagine it into life and make it happen..... The love and attention of friends and family are great, of course, but if you yourself cannot reach some peace between your ears, no one out there can save you, not your husband, not your wife, not your mother or even your best friend.... Running has taught me to trust my self, my body, my intuition and those are some heavy duty gifts there. Running has helped me feel free, emotionally independent and content in my own company. 

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