Monday, January 22, 2018

The Injury Obstacle

                      Nothing like an injury to put your whole life into a new focus. It began in the middle of the night. I got up to use the bathroom and I felt a stabbing pain in my right scapula. I could not find any standing, sitting or laying position in which I did not feel the deep pain. It's important to add that I am no stranger to pain. I have run many races with pain running right there beside me. Additionally, with both my kids I labored over 24 hours each during their birth. But something about this new pain made it feel terrifying and much worse. Having a tired brain the first thought I grabbed on to was that I felt betrayed. Betrayed by my body, by this body I felt I knew way too well. Just a day ago I had covered 16 miles and now this! I did not understand. At two am, what slowly began to come to me what I had done with my body two days ago. Two days ago, I had cleaned all three bathtubs in my home to prepare for my sister's visit that weekend. That is where I hurt myself.
So, it turns out my deal ol' body did not betray me after all. I simply forgot two very important facts about the human body, and that is that it remembers all exertion you make, but way later. Second rule, no body pain experienced is EVER just random, EVERY pain, every twitch has a reason. The human body does not make mistakes. 

             I have been mentally debating whether to drop out of the 50 mile race this March and running the 50K instead but something in me still holds hope. Deep inside, I know that I can do a 50 mile race but in order to do it I have to want it bad enough to actually cross that finish line. Not only that but I have to seal shut any doubts I may have about not making it somewhere deep underground.....Another part of me is not yet sure if I am willing to put in the level of commitment required to cross that finish line. I am terrified and ever so slowly crawling to fearlessness.....

             more to come.....

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