So I have been dreaming again. What best do housewives who work full time and have tons of energy do anyway BUT dream,? Despite feeling super crappy this week health-wise I am looking forward to a shiny new year, full of new potential (just don't mention the T word). This year was the shittiest year in a long time, my grandma died, my mom totaled her car, I ran a slow marathon (again), lots of tragedies in the news almost monthly, and yes, we elected a man for president of the US who ran a racist campaign. So I am looking forward to any ray of light in 2017.....My dreams are now in doing a travel marathon, the Honolulu Marathon.
This week I have been "under". For me, who has not gotten sick in over 4.5 years (knock on wood) even a cold is a huge deal. I have been sneezing and sneezing and my head feels like a squirrel is caught between my temple and my brain, no fever, but who needs a fever, I feel crappy enough. I have been juicing up as always. My hubby makes veggie juice in juicer and leaves me half almost daily. I have also not been to the gym in 4 days, which has been very tough emotionally to bear. I need my workout to feel normal, so out comes the "Miriam" who cries about the dumbest things and 20 minutes later feeling just fine. This morning I was a mess about a dumb argument I had with hubby about the new president, of all things. Thankfully, I now know not to believe my thoughts when I get this crazy so I just walked out and drove to work.
The idea for Honolulu came from a running magazine, one of many I get at home and hardly ever even look at for lack of time and/or energy. Under the heading of marathons for slower runners (or something to that affect) both Honolulu and Missoula marathon were mentioned. Polling friends about both immediately made Hawaii the winner. Not only that but a friend who I worked with offered me a place to stay in December, so in my mind, I am 99% ready to sign on the dotted line. The mom guilt of leaving my family for 2, possibly 3 days still exists, but, nothing a few sessions with some good girlfriends can't smooth out. In the meantime, right now I feel not only ill, but I am also feeling bloated and huge and slow....a natural emotional state from not working out for half a week. Part of me knows this guilt I lay one myself is pure bullshit, but I can't help myself, the perfectionist in me is always on my shoulder eating away at my confidence.
Initially I had thought of having the whole family go and if we spend so much to get there why not make it 5 days? I roughly did the math and it came to $6,000 for all of us to go to Hawaii for 5 days next December. Sadly, that is beyond what we'd like to pay for a family vacation so the only logical next solution is for me to go alone. I will have to figure out additional support for my hubby with the kids when the time comes, but for now I need not worry. Already they are much more independent, and in a year from now, maybe they will even be more independent, maybe even independent enough not to drive my hubby crazy with their sibling wars. Okay, here comes the guilt again. I need to call a girlfriend.