Wednesday, September 18, 2019

You know you are ready for a marathon when ....

You know you are close to being ready for a marathon when you think, "ONLY 5 more miles". Yesterday, I was completing my long run of 14 miles on a treadmill and I thought those very words.... "I -ONLY-have-5-more-miles."

Now, I do not use the words "5 miles" in connection with the word "ONLY" for much of the year...but when I do refer to five miles in more diminutive terms I know something is changing within my body, ...I am feeling more and more ready. 

I'm sure in real life, outside of the running world, there are parallel connections, parallel situations in which all of the sudden we get a ever so subtle clue that something is, and has been, slowly changing.  For example, "You know you are ready for a new job when you begin to look at the the time more". "You know you are ready to break up from a relationship when you begin tasting every aspect of what your freedom would feel like", or "You know you are ready to write a blog post when the ideas practically write themselves in your head." 

what lies do you get that things are about to change?

Sunday, September 15, 2019

The instinct to trust or not to trust....

                I have been thinking a lot about trust and instinct lately, and their connection to one another . I sat watching the Democratic debate two days ago and realized there were two parts of me hearing the debate. There was the logical part of me and then there was the instinctual part of me. Since I have been placing a lot more credence on instincts I naturally trusted some candidates over others purely for how genuine they sounded to me. The morning after the debate I shared these thoughts with my husband and we both came to the conclusion that some of the candidates simple listen to their consultants way too much...listening and surrounding oneself by too many consultant is like having way too many cooks in the kitchen, it's a recipe for disaster. There is a difference between robotically following what a consultant tells you to do and what you KNOW to be true. Some of these candidates have let fear get in their hearts and are now operating on someone else's fear, on top of their own. Genuineness is something one instinctually feels. The older I get the more I value how I feel around someone.  
             What does trust have to do with it? Trust makes all the amazing things in the world happen. When two individual come together to make an amazing business or marriage or friendship, trust is the glue that secures relationships. Yet, in 100% trusting our instincts (which essentially is trusting yourself) do we begin to even have the chance of truly knowing how to choose the right people to trust with our lives. Trust and instinct are like guardian angels, here to help us navigate life more safely with the right people by our side. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Perceptions change, one run at a time....

Do I see myself as a runner?
Only sometimes. 
Despite having completes 11 marathons and three ultras I still struggle with the label of athlete. 
Most days I still struggle to get out there....
I always mentally prepare for the looks, 
the inquisitive stares 
those faces, clear as day, that communicate a certain level of discomfort at seeing me out there....chugging away, relentlessly
moving my un-apologizing large body through space, owning every mile. 
Yet I do not give up. Long are the day I retreat back to my home and lick my wounds for the fear of those stares. 
Although the passage of time or the many, many instances I have faced these demons does not make it any easier I know why I run, and that keeps me moving. 
Me being out there is like a beacon for so many women; it allows the doors for those who look just like me....
Seeing me out there, week after week slowly doing my miles changes what one expects to see out there... ever so slowly perceptions begin to shift. Others get to see me as something other than what they have conditioned to see...
and begin seeing a fighter, 
a badass, 
they begin to see beauty, 
strength, perseverance.....
but most importantly, 
they learn to associate all those amazingly positive things 
with a body like mine......
Never give up. 

Saturday, August 10, 2019

Ran in my jogging bra for the first time yesterday

                 I never thought I'd do it...but it happened. Yesterday I ran in my running brad and no shirt over it!! I know, this is not a huge deal for most women with more "traditional" bodies, but for us who have been taught to hide our bodies due to its larger size, it's not an easy task. Granted, it was at a beach boardwalk at Jones Beach in NY. It was easier to accomplish for it's not THAT unusual to see a woman in a bra-style top at the beach, right? Yet, it was a great start to the turning of a new leaf. To top off my amazing day, the weather was absolutely gorgeous, the sky was partly cloudy, it was in the 70's and at the very end it started to sprinkle rain, which felt absolutely divine. Will I be doing this again? absolutely!!

Saturday, June 8, 2019


               We hear the word TRUST being tossed around quite bit, "trust your body", "trusting relationships", "trust your training". Trust is the more imperative aspect of all good or successfully-working relationships, nothing develops further if this one aspect is not present. I have a few tips that have kept me safe from people and situations I should not trust. I am not saying do not invite them to your wedding, I simply mean do not set all your marbles in their jar. 

1. My number one rule in choosing who to trust has always been to never trust someone who constantly needs attention. Most of us like a little attention, some of us want none, these people are  rabid. They are like hungry ghosts, never satisfied, constantly edging, always pushing for more sunlight, and have no moral compass when it comes to betrayal. Working along someone like this, for instance,  can be dangerous for they will sell your secrets, your comfort, your very soul to get a little attention. Being in a relationship with such a person can be draining and even dangerous to your health. Sadly, most of the time these people are unaware of their own destructive power, and justify their actions as well-meaning and even good. Stay far away. 

2. My number two rule in choosing who to trust is never trust a person who is always overtly, and unabashedly unhappy. Openly unhappy people have a life perspective issue and other people are always at fault for their behavior. Most of us have good days and bad days and even when we have bad days we tuck that shit in and keep walking. But not these guys...they create a whirlwind of drama everywhere they go, stay clear. 

3. MOST importantly, trust your gut. My gut has been my bestest friend ever (BFF), as I get older I love it and believe in it more and more. It's always been there nudging me, making me aware of its little tugs, but I always tossed aside these nudges for hardcore visible reasoning. Turns out our gut is our secret superpower. When you meet that person and something seems off.....when someone says a comment that seems off and placed there to cause an affect, we are always right. A book I currently reading, Seven Thousand Ways to Listen by Mark Nepo talks a lot about how we don't just listen with our ears, but we also listen with our whole body. So do that, listen with your whole body and you will know right away if someone feels off. Our gut also helps in training. Knowing when to keep going versus quitting, knowing when your body needs to quit a run before you hurt yourself as opposed to just some aches that will go away if you slow down. Listening to your body and trusting your own inner revelations about your body will keep you safe from physical injury.